After sex, there's nothing most guys think about more than-a tall, cool one. And for good reasons. That refreshing amber blend of hops and grain may be the most perfect liquid creation known to man. That s why, in celebration of lagers, ales, pilsners everywhere, here is 'The All-Inclusive Beer Almanac.'
It's a guide designed to enlighten you to all the ways your favorite-beverage can improve your life [beyond just helping you escape it for a few hours). Read, Retain & and relax. Your next round is covered.
SIX PACK ABS
BELLY UP TO THE BAR--WITHOUT THE DAMNED BEER BELLY
A love of beer and the ability to maintain washboard abs are not mutually exclusive. You can have both. And there's science to back it up. When researchers in the Czech Republic (a country known for having the greatest per capita beer consumption on the planet) studied the beer-guzzling habits of a group of men and women riving within the region, they found absolutely no evidence that drinking beer makes for flabbier abs. Within reason, of course.
The point of the study wasn't that you can drink as much beer as you want without getting fat-because you can't. Calories are calories, regardless of where they're coming from. Rather, the significance of the study is it shows that drinking beer is not a pre-requisit to accumulating fat around your abdomen. Keep your calories in check throughout the day by altering what you eat or by burning off a few hundred extra, and you should have no problem staying lean while also getting moderately smashed.
Here's how:
START THE NIGHT RIGHT
Planning on partying? A balanced meal before an evening at the bar will help fill you up-And, since food slows the absorption of alcohol, a well-timed meal can help minimize the severity of hangovers.) Aim for a good mix of protein and high-fiber carbs--a small whole-wheat sandwich plus a piece of fruit is ideal. Besides helping slightly slow down the rate at which you chug, a quick meal will also keep your hunger under control later in the evening--when your resolve is at its weakest - to avoid devouring fattening, stodgy mid-evening bar snacks or late night kebabs . Why does that matter? In a study from Denmark, researchers found that guys who sat down to all-you-can-eat meals ate significantly more when they drank beer or wine with their food than when they ate while sober.
BUDGET YOUR CALORIES
As drinkers go, beer fans have the upper hand on maintaining a lean bod. That's because, with beer, it's easy to keep tabs on the number of calories you're taking in: approximately 300 in a pint of regular beer. Sipping cocktails, on the other hand, is a much greater challenge. A booze-laden Long Island Iced Tea, for example, can set you back more than 500 calories--the equivalent of a Big Mac. And unless you make the drink yourself, it's almost impossible to know what you're getting, since the ratio of sugary mixers and alcohol can vary so much. Use that knowledge to your advantage when you hit the bar and calculate just how many calories you can afford to blow.
DRINK TWICE AS MUCH
Double-fisted drinking is never a bad thing--especially when your other drink is water or diet soda. Non-alcoholic drinks can help keep your partying in check by slowing down the speed at which you inhale your true beverage of choice. And nobody's even likely to notice what you're doing if you time your orders right. Start your evening with a bottle of water and a load of abuse from your pals with your first drink of the evening, and use it to quench your thirst. Then move on to your beer. Keep ordering both throughout the evening so you always have the ability to alternate between the two. The only rule: Don't place a new order until both your bottles are empty. That way, you can drink all night long--and end up taking in half as many calories as you normally would. Cut back just four pints of beer a week and you'll save yourself the caloric equivalent of nearly nine pounds of fat in a year.
ERASE THE EVIDENCE
Despite your best intentions, there are always going to be times when you slip up and do overindulge. But don't take the damage lying down. Fight back and hit the gym. Or head outside. We've rounded up 10 relatively quick and easy ways for an average 150-pound guy to burn away an extra 300 calories--the equivalent of two or three beers. (Heavier guys can do slightly less work and burn a bit more.)
ACTIVITY TIME
Cycling (10 mph) 50 minutes
Running/jogging (5 mph) 30 minutes
Soccer (competitive) 30 minutes
Swimming 43 minutes
(slow freestyle laps)
Walking (4.5 mph) 48 minutes
Gardening 50-55 minutes
(mowing the lawn)
Golfing (walking and 67 minutes
carrying clubs)
Boxing (punching bag) 50 minutes
21.5
Number of gallons of beer the average guy drinks each year, compared with just 2.3 gallons of wine and 1.4 gallons of alcohol spirits.
Good for What Ales You
Beer doesn't just taste good--it's also good for you. The key, however, is moderation. A few brews every night and you get the potent mix of alcohol and hops researchers have shown can help with everything from fighting disease to keeping your heart in peak condition. (Too much, of course, and you end up an alcoholic with a liver that's as hard as a pony keg.) For optimal benefits, aim for one to two pints a day--. (Although you shouldn't overdo it nightly, a few extra bevies on Fridays and Saturdays probably won't hurt.) Aside from giving you a well-deserved buzz, all that drinking should help you to...
REDUCE YOUR RISK FOR HEART ATTACK AND STROKE | Drinking beer has been shown to raise HDL cholesterol (the good kind), reduce the formation of artery-clogging blood clots, and quell the inflammation that can contribute to heart disease.
FIGHT TYPE-2 DIABETES | In a 12-year study of more than 46,000 men, researchers at Harvard found that guys who drank moderately had a 36% lower risk of diabetes than those who didn't drink at all.
DODGE ALZHEIMER'S | Drinking doesn't just ease your stress, it could help keep you sane. When researchers at Boston's Beth Israel Hospital University compared the mental health of people who drink with that of people who don't, they found that folks who imbibed one to six drinks a week were significantly more likely to keep their marbles later in life than those who didn't.
BUILD STRONGER BONES | The hops in beer supply the body with a hefty dose of silicon--a mineral that's crucial for maintaining both density and strength of bones.
CANCEL OUT CANCER | Beer is packed with polyphenols--potent plant compounds that have been shown to help slow the growth of cancer cells and boost the body's production of cancer-fighting enzymes. The darker the brew, the more polyphenols it packs.
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BAR BEER BEHAVIOR
FIVE TIPS TO MAXIMIZE BEER ENJOYMENT AT THE BAR
* Going to break the seal? Put your napkin or coaster on top of your glass--that way, the bartender will know you're coming back and won't clear your spot.
* Tired of the coaster or napkin slicking to the bottom of your beer and then falling into your lap every time you take a chug? Sprinkle some salt on the coaster and it'll stay put.
* Want the best service? Tip as you go--and don't just drop pocket change. As little as a buck a beer will ensure your beer mug is never empty. (If you think that's too steep, consider that the average tip is I5%, 20%, and most beers are in the $4-$5 range.)
* Beer too cold? "Most U.S. draft beer is about live degrees too cold, particularly if you want to enjoy a beer with a bigger flavor profile," says Sam Adams founder and brewer. Jim Koch. His solution: Simply wrap your hands around the glass or bottle for one to two minutes.
* Too much foam? Sprinkle some salt in your beer to reduce the carbonation.
* Wondering why you always get so much head? (On your beer, that is.) It's because you dump your beer bottle into the center of the mug, which causes the carbon dioxide to release too fast. Instead, tilt your mug and slowly pour the beer down the side of the glass. By the time you hit the top, you'll have a perfect half inch of foam. If you're pouring beer from a tap, use the same technique, but be sure to pull the tap handle all the way out. Ask any bartender: The No. 1 mistake amateurs make is to pull the tap handle out halfway, which results in all head--and in this case, that's a bad thing.
STRANGE
FIVE UNUSUAL BEERS YOU GOTTA TRY
1 THE MOST POTENT: Sam Adams Utopias | At 50 proof, this brew is ranked by Guinness World Records as the world's strongest beer. With no carbonation and a malty, maple-syrup flavor that's similar to that of port wine, it's more like a fine sipping liqueur than a chuggable beer. It's currently available in select liquor stores and on eBay, but you can expect to see another release of this aged batch in the near future.
2 THE SPICIEST: Cave Creek Chili Beer I With a real chili pepper in each bottle, this Arizona brew is hot. More of a novelty beer, it will burn a hole in your stomach if you drink more than one or two. Check your local liquor stores.
3 THE MOST UN-BEERLIKE: Lindermans Kriek Cherry Lambic | This dark red, Belgian beer is almost like a cherry soda: sweet, highly carbonated, and distinctly cherry-flavored. But it still has that dry under-taste that lets you know it's a beer. You can find Lindemans in most liquor stores.
4 BEER WITH A KICK: Dogfish Head Chicory Stout I Remember when Drew Carey created Buzz beer, a mix of coffee and beer? The brewing world took note and came out with this Delaware stout. Made with roasted chicory, organic Mexican coffee, and licorice root, this brew is rich and spiced, with a definite coffee aftertaste and even a hint of cloves. Visit dogfish.com to find distributors in your area.
5 JUST PLAIN UNQUE: Rogue Chipotle Ale I From the home of the brewpub, this Oregon ale is made with chipotle chilies for a smoky, slightly bitter flavor. You barely taste the chipotle ... at first. Just wait-you get a nice little kick about five seconds after you swallow. Look for the brew in most liquor stores.
WE ASKED YOU: WHAT'S THE BEST CURE
FOR A HANGOVER? YOUR RESPONSES:
Time 26%
Pedialyte or Gatorade 18%
Hair of the dog (more beer) 16%
Plenty of water 14%
Diner food (cheeseburger and shake) 8%
Vitamin 5%
Tomato juice 3%
Steam room/hot shower 2%
Soup 2%
Pizza 2%
other 4%
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NEW ARTICLE Below to incorporate
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Take heed all you beer lovers. It is now a proven fact that beer -- yes, BEER -- can provide the same health benefits as wine. No matter what type of ale you prefer, studies show that drinking beer in moderation (up to 2 drinks a day for us guys) can and will reduce your chances of strokes, as well as heart and vascular disease.
It's called the French Paradox -- the link between the low rate of heart disease among the French and their fat-laden diet was a daily dosage of red wine. Well, there's no denying the results of that study. But what the public doesn't know is that the health value of beer has been known, documented and applied for centuries. But there are folks out there who don't want you to know about it (I wonder why).
wine vs. beer
According to Mr. Jim Anderson, wine connoisseur, "When you compare the raw ingredients that go into wine and beer, you'll find that wine, on one hand, is made purely from grapes, water and yeast. Grapes are a fine source of sugars, fiber and chromium, but few of those things survive the fermentation and filtering process. Yeast has loads of complex B vitamins, but again, they do not appear in the final product due to filtering."
Beer, on the other hand, is made from grains, water and yeast. Grains commonly used are barley and wheat (with cheaper, mass-produced beers relying on corn and rice), both of which are loaded with a variety of vitamins that survive the fermentation and filtering process. And the vitamin value of the yeast is conserved in the hundreds of unfiltered beers that are on the market -- both on tap and in bottles.
interesting tidbits about beer
Tidbit #1
In November of 1999, The New England Journal of Medicine stated that light to moderate beer drinkers would decrease their chances of suffering a stroke by 20%. They also stated that those who drink one beer a day compared to those who drink one beer a week experience no difference in reducing stroke risks.
Tidbit #2
The University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center at Dallas (May 1999) reported that consuming moderate amounts of beer would lower one's chances of coronary heart disease by 30-40%, compared to those who don't drink at all. (Beer contains a similar amount of 'polyphenols' -- antioxidants -- as red wine and 4-5 times as many polyphenols as white wine).
Tidbit #3
Alcohol has also been attributed to increasing the amount of good cholesterol (HDL) in the bloodstream, as well as helping to decrease blood clots.
Tidbit #4
Beer contains vitamin B6, which prevents the build-up of the amino acid homocysteine, that has been linked to heart disease. Those of us who have high levels of homocysteine are usually more prone to an early onset of heart and vascular disease.
Tidbit #5
A new study performed at the TNO Nutrition and Food Research Institute in Utrecht indicates that those who drink beer had no increase in their homocysteine level, but those who drank wine or liquor had an increase of up to 10%.
Tidbit #6
Beer provides a 30% increase in vitamin B6 into the blood plasma -- something that neither wine nor any other liquor can do.
Tidbit #7
Beer is both fat-free and cholesterol-free.
Tidbit #8
Beer has a relaxing effect on the body thereby reducing stress and helping you sleep better.
Tidbit #9
Beer has proven to have positive effects on elderly people. It helps promote blood vessel dilation, sleep and urination.
what exactly is beer?
An average beer contains the following:
0 mg cholesterol
0 g fat
13 g carbohydrate
25 mg sodium
protein, calcium, potassium, phosphorus, and vitamins B, B2, and B6
alcohol
Sounds too good to be true? Not really. Considering beer was first used as a homeopathic remedy back in the good old days of the Egyptian Pharaohs thousands of years ago, things haven't changed much.
The only problem nowadays is the sad fact that several irresponsible people drink more than they should, and sobriety becomes a discarded word. Although I have listed the many good things about beer, there are also several negative aspects that I am obliged to caution you about: liver disease, obesity and alcoholism.
Of course, these adverse reactions would not occur if beer were drunk in moderation. Being responsible is always the key to having fun with friends and enjoying a nice cold glass of beer. I, for one, am going to have a beer and think that over.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
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Thursday, April 26, 2007
Alan Ball 1945-2007
I am not about to write about the late great sadly departed Alan Ball as if I knew him as a pal or followed his football career closely, for he was a 'World Cup Winner' 12 months before I was even born. However I have read much about him since his tragic death in the early hours of Wednesday morning to feel that without a doubt he more than deserves a succinct journalistic memoir in order to pay my respects.
Alan Ball's loss is as much England's loss as football's loss, judging by all the column inches devoted to him by the press since he collapsed of a heart attack at his Hampshire home on the 25th April at the age of just 61.
Ball will always be remembered for the part he played in England's only World Cup triumph. He was the youngest member of the team that lifted the Jules Rimet trophy at Wembley in on the 30th July 1966.
Born on Victory Day, 12th May 1945, Ball overcame early rejection in his career when Bolton told him he'd never be big enough to play football.
He joined Blackpool in 1962, and six weeks after the World Cup, Everton paid a then record fee of £110,000 for the all-action aggressive midfield maestro. He then helped the Toffees win the League Championship in 1970 before being transferred to Arsenal in 1971 for £220,000, another record fee at the time.
In 1975 Ball won the last of his 72 England caps, skippering England to a 5-1 demolition of Scotland at Wembley.
He signed for Southampton in 1976, before joining the North American Soccer League in 1978.
In 1980 he returned to England and had brief spells with Blackpool, Southampton and Bristol Rovers before hanging up his boots in May 1983 after 975 first-team games.
His managerial career never touched the heights he enjoyed as a player. He managed seven clubs in 19 years including Southampton, Manchester City and Pompey.
Despite the ups and downs he never allowed his enthusiasm for the game to waver. He loved football and he loved life.
In 2000 he was awarded the MBE for services to football.
Ball's other sporting passion was horses. He was a racing aficionado. He would talk endlessly about horse racing, and could often be spotted among the crowds on a summers day at Goodwood or on freezing winter days at Fontwell.
Off the pitch Alan was a devoted family man. He was married to his childhood sweetheart Lesley for 37 years. They had three children - Mandy, now 39, Keely, 35 and son Jimmy, 31.
Tragedy struck the family in 2004 when Lesley died of cancer aged 57.
Alan Ball had also suffered personal tragedy back in 1982, when his father died in a road traffic accident.
Alan Ball was a gentleman, a real man's man and his place in the folklore of the game and the heart of the nation is secure. He will be sadly missed.
Sincere condolences go out to his family.
Alan Ball - Rest In Peace.
*England's current players will wear black armbands as a mark of respect for Alan Ball in their first game at the new Wembley against Brazil on the 1st June.
Alan Ball's loss is as much England's loss as football's loss, judging by all the column inches devoted to him by the press since he collapsed of a heart attack at his Hampshire home on the 25th April at the age of just 61.
Ball will always be remembered for the part he played in England's only World Cup triumph. He was the youngest member of the team that lifted the Jules Rimet trophy at Wembley in on the 30th July 1966.
Born on Victory Day, 12th May 1945, Ball overcame early rejection in his career when Bolton told him he'd never be big enough to play football.
He joined Blackpool in 1962, and six weeks after the World Cup, Everton paid a then record fee of £110,000 for the all-action aggressive midfield maestro. He then helped the Toffees win the League Championship in 1970 before being transferred to Arsenal in 1971 for £220,000, another record fee at the time.
In 1975 Ball won the last of his 72 England caps, skippering England to a 5-1 demolition of Scotland at Wembley.
He signed for Southampton in 1976, before joining the North American Soccer League in 1978.
In 1980 he returned to England and had brief spells with Blackpool, Southampton and Bristol Rovers before hanging up his boots in May 1983 after 975 first-team games.
His managerial career never touched the heights he enjoyed as a player. He managed seven clubs in 19 years including Southampton, Manchester City and Pompey.
Despite the ups and downs he never allowed his enthusiasm for the game to waver. He loved football and he loved life.
In 2000 he was awarded the MBE for services to football.
Ball's other sporting passion was horses. He was a racing aficionado. He would talk endlessly about horse racing, and could often be spotted among the crowds on a summers day at Goodwood or on freezing winter days at Fontwell.
Off the pitch Alan was a devoted family man. He was married to his childhood sweetheart Lesley for 37 years. They had three children - Mandy, now 39, Keely, 35 and son Jimmy, 31.
Tragedy struck the family in 2004 when Lesley died of cancer aged 57.
Alan Ball had also suffered personal tragedy back in 1982, when his father died in a road traffic accident.
Alan Ball was a gentleman, a real man's man and his place in the folklore of the game and the heart of the nation is secure. He will be sadly missed.
Sincere condolences go out to his family.
Alan Ball - Rest In Peace.
*England's current players will wear black armbands as a mark of respect for Alan Ball in their first game at the new Wembley against Brazil on the 1st June.
Friday, April 20, 2007
London BAR King - 'The Tattershall Castle'
As I sit here writing this post the sun is shinning, and in doing so it is also showing up my 'dirty looking' apartment windows.' On reflection I don't remember having seen my window cleaner for a good two months now, maybe more!
He is always banging on your door if you owe him a few quid, which doesn't bother me surprisingly, as he is quite a character and a betting man too.
He often gives me a horse to back which is a dead cert, although as everyone who enjoys a flutter knows - there is in fact no such thing.
However he bets big boys dosh and he wouldn't give you a donkey to back unless he had heard a whisper for it from someone on the inside.
The seasonal good weather means only two things to many. Firstly, the gyms are packed with once a year male members trying to lose their man-boobs, before they dare to unveil there shiny white torsos for the first time in six months, along with that group of fitness obsessed middle-aged women, who have been going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week forever, in the feint hope that once more this Summer they can get away with wearing a belt for a skirt and a crop top to expose their belly piercing!
Grow old gracefully I say, and that's coming from my goodself, a once upon a time gym fanatic and qualified fitness instructor.
What is it with women that when you ask them what social activities they enjoy the 'gym' is always in the top three, with the other two being swimming and pilates!
The 'gym' was once upon a time a home from home for men, where they could go to effectively preserve their masculinity and lift some weights in between chatting to other guys of the same ilk about 'man' things.
Secondly the tanning salons are empty as people try to achieve the 'real deal' even in April.
But in my world good weather means the opportunity to enjoy a bevy outdoors in the sunshine, be it in a beer garden or your own garden.
In my eyes take the opportunity now....who knows when we will see any good weather again....tomorrow, in a week, in a month!
Alternatively how about having a glass of something ON The Tattershall Castle.
Moored on the Thames, this refurbished old paddle steamer is a good place to go if your looking for a change of scenery and venue.
Drink up on the deck while the heat of the sun allows, whilst enjoying the panoramic backdrop of the London Eye, Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament, then toddle off down below as the sun sets and it starts to cool off.
For those looking for a 'big night in' there is also a night club on board which stays open into the early hours.
Ideally located, 2 minutes walk from Embankment tube station, 5 minutes or so from Charing Cross mainline station, and only a 10-15 minute walk from the boat itself into the West End or Soho.
'The Tattershall Castle' makes for a great meeting place. It's very informal and relaxed, and with the sun on your back, a beer in your hand and the great views of London, it is a must-go venue for an early evening or post-work libation.
He is always banging on your door if you owe him a few quid, which doesn't bother me surprisingly, as he is quite a character and a betting man too.
He often gives me a horse to back which is a dead cert, although as everyone who enjoys a flutter knows - there is in fact no such thing.
However he bets big boys dosh and he wouldn't give you a donkey to back unless he had heard a whisper for it from someone on the inside.
The seasonal good weather means only two things to many. Firstly, the gyms are packed with once a year male members trying to lose their man-boobs, before they dare to unveil there shiny white torsos for the first time in six months, along with that group of fitness obsessed middle-aged women, who have been going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week forever, in the feint hope that once more this Summer they can get away with wearing a belt for a skirt and a crop top to expose their belly piercing!
Grow old gracefully I say, and that's coming from my goodself, a once upon a time gym fanatic and qualified fitness instructor.
What is it with women that when you ask them what social activities they enjoy the 'gym' is always in the top three, with the other two being swimming and pilates!
The 'gym' was once upon a time a home from home for men, where they could go to effectively preserve their masculinity and lift some weights in between chatting to other guys of the same ilk about 'man' things.
Secondly the tanning salons are empty as people try to achieve the 'real deal' even in April.
But in my world good weather means the opportunity to enjoy a bevy outdoors in the sunshine, be it in a beer garden or your own garden.
In my eyes take the opportunity now....who knows when we will see any good weather again....tomorrow, in a week, in a month!
Alternatively how about having a glass of something ON The Tattershall Castle.
Moored on the Thames, this refurbished old paddle steamer is a good place to go if your looking for a change of scenery and venue.
Drink up on the deck while the heat of the sun allows, whilst enjoying the panoramic backdrop of the London Eye, Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament, then toddle off down below as the sun sets and it starts to cool off.
For those looking for a 'big night in' there is also a night club on board which stays open into the early hours.
Ideally located, 2 minutes walk from Embankment tube station, 5 minutes or so from Charing Cross mainline station, and only a 10-15 minute walk from the boat itself into the West End or Soho.
'The Tattershall Castle' makes for a great meeting place. It's very informal and relaxed, and with the sun on your back, a beer in your hand and the great views of London, it is a must-go venue for an early evening or post-work libation.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
'The Lady & The Tramp' - Pounds Sterling OR Poundstretcher!
All hail Mr. Kevin Braddock. (writer for 'The London Paper')
After another lifeless day at the 'orifice' I was on the chuffer home assuming the bog standard bolt upright posture, among the sweaty armpits that filled the air and with my faced pressed to the glass door. Bored of the panoramic grey concrete landscape that was illuminating my journey I dared to open very carefully, with elbows tucked in, as if doing dumbell raises in the gym, today's copy of 'The London Paper' (10 April '07) that had been thrust into my sweaty paw at Victoria Station.
I was instantly drawn to his editorial headline (on page 25) announcing 'Rich Girls Don't Care Too Much For Money.' So after a few minutes of intriguing reading I knew this was well worth sharing.
But to avoid being accused of plagiarism I have 're-worked' the article to give it a more closer to home feel on my part, so as to share with you my own worldly but humble experiences of the article in hand.
Recently a fiery debate has reared its head in the press on the subject of who should pay on a first date, or should I say who doesn't pay?
Well while the debate rages on, let's examine the subject in more depth.
Dating is an old-fashioned expression for taking a chick you fancy out on the town, getting them fully loaded, pretending your interested in anything they are or better still their folks are, even if it is fly-fishing, and to declare that you are in touch with your femine side, so you don't mind doing girlie things.... all as long as in the morning you get to say that icon of all idioms......'there is a cab number by the phone, do what you feels right.'
Dating is not about taking totty home to meet your folks!
Lads: face it. Money talks when it comes to dating.
I have never met totty that has EVER 'admitted' to me anyway, that money doesn't matter. But not all totty is looking for a company director's salary!
Now this is where hope springs eternal for yours truly.
Starting a relationship on a 'financial budget style safeguard' is a a non-starter, and a sure fire way not to make it to second base.(Comparable with missing a penalty in the last minute of a cup semi-final).
You never get to go there again, and it lives within you perpetually.
Expecting women to pay, especially on a first date is like turning up to see your favourite team play the most important game of the year, only to find you have left your season ticket in last nights jeans.
Or equally complaining your date has turned up in high heels and a skimpy micro skirt
instead of a maternity dress and builders boots - No fun, no game, no chance!
But are we missing the point about money & wealth.
What the issue hides is a potentially 'awkward' conversation that draws one into the subjects of status, schooling, success, and therefore possibly being fairly or unfairly categorised on the basis of class.
Any mention of any the above subjects could lead one to an early night home alone!
If you want a relationship in which money is not top of the agenda then the answer is blindingly simple; date someone who is posh, or someone who is unquestionably filthy rich.
Why?
Well not long ago I went out with a lass who was in my world anyway seriously top totty, we are talking fit, designer clothes & shoes, expensive jewellery, all year round 'bona fide' tan, beautiful apartment here & abroad, convertible sports car.....oh and a great personality, no really & truthfully.
She wasn't interested in me for my wealth, prospects or breeding potential. I don't have any.
But to my astonishment she used to prefer to come round to my tiny one bed flat, rather than veg out in her gorgeous apartment where you needed a walking escalator a la airport style just to get from one of the living rooms to the downstairs cloakroom.
At mine we'd sit on the floor watching tv together, chill out, share a couple of half decent bottles of vino, talk title-tattle before finally hitting the sack.
The reason this 'Lady and the Tramp' relationship ended had nothing to do with cash - it was just I was keen, in fact very keen but she was not keen on the very fact that I was so keen - so let's just leave it at that!
The up shot of that relationship was that I was able to ascertain ways to seduce posh girls - or indeed rich girls - should the opportunity arise again.
The rules are as follows:
* Firstly, have no ambition or money (or at least appear that way, in a kind of audacious manner or bravado).
* Having long hair or at least unkept hair combined with a few days excess facial growth is an advantage.
* A well chewed roll up is a must, as is the smoking of illegal substances.
* Don't work and show no interest in the value of anything or even attempt to understand the meaning of wealth.
* Don't mention the subject of 'culture.' You don't do museums, art galleries or period furniture auctions!
* The less salubrious your dwellings the better. Hygienic is adequate.
* Don't be intimidated or overwhelmed by the prospect of weekend breaks to cities and/or resorts you can't even pronounce, let alone pinpoint on a map. Remember you went to school because you had to, not out of choice. Go with the flow and enjoy the ride.
* Last but not least try to be good fun, congenial, and easy going. This can be accomplished in numerous ways. Learn to play an instrument, however shoddily, take up amateur dramatics, write poetry, or at least leave romantic annotations lying around on post-it notes.
I have on one or two occasions for newly acquired totty of course,(now ex-girlfriends) been known to leave brief notes, not shopping lists, more chic romantic expressions of affection, on household mirrors written using lipstick in my own handwriting.
Inexpensive but incredibly effective, added to the fact that they were not my mirrors nor my lippy, so the clear up factor was er......not my problem!
All the above 'rules' guarantee that you fundamentally have no future earning potential no matter which way you try to dress it up.
Stick to these basic rules and a 'Princess' will be yours.
How else can you explain how Pete Doherty charmed quite literally the pants off the once, not so long ago 'attractive' Kate Moss, one of the World's wealthiest models?
Recently I put my class based seduction technique on the back burner and have begun to try and woo a cute chirpy check-out girl at a local Poundstretcher store. She refers to me as 'luv or 'mate' and I'm on the verge of asking her out for a meal to somewhere exclusive - 'Spud U Like' perhaps. The kind of venue that endorses ripped jeans, worn trainers, spiky hair and bottled suntans.
Like it or not money talks, providing the money is talking to the right individual.
After another lifeless day at the 'orifice' I was on the chuffer home assuming the bog standard bolt upright posture, among the sweaty armpits that filled the air and with my faced pressed to the glass door. Bored of the panoramic grey concrete landscape that was illuminating my journey I dared to open very carefully, with elbows tucked in, as if doing dumbell raises in the gym, today's copy of 'The London Paper' (10 April '07) that had been thrust into my sweaty paw at Victoria Station.
I was instantly drawn to his editorial headline (on page 25) announcing 'Rich Girls Don't Care Too Much For Money.' So after a few minutes of intriguing reading I knew this was well worth sharing.
But to avoid being accused of plagiarism I have 're-worked' the article to give it a more closer to home feel on my part, so as to share with you my own worldly but humble experiences of the article in hand.
Recently a fiery debate has reared its head in the press on the subject of who should pay on a first date, or should I say who doesn't pay?
Well while the debate rages on, let's examine the subject in more depth.
Dating is an old-fashioned expression for taking a chick you fancy out on the town, getting them fully loaded, pretending your interested in anything they are or better still their folks are, even if it is fly-fishing, and to declare that you are in touch with your femine side, so you don't mind doing girlie things.... all as long as in the morning you get to say that icon of all idioms......'there is a cab number by the phone, do what you feels right.'
Dating is not about taking totty home to meet your folks!
Lads: face it. Money talks when it comes to dating.
I have never met totty that has EVER 'admitted' to me anyway, that money doesn't matter. But not all totty is looking for a company director's salary!
Now this is where hope springs eternal for yours truly.
Starting a relationship on a 'financial budget style safeguard' is a a non-starter, and a sure fire way not to make it to second base.(Comparable with missing a penalty in the last minute of a cup semi-final).
You never get to go there again, and it lives within you perpetually.
Expecting women to pay, especially on a first date is like turning up to see your favourite team play the most important game of the year, only to find you have left your season ticket in last nights jeans.
Or equally complaining your date has turned up in high heels and a skimpy micro skirt
instead of a maternity dress and builders boots - No fun, no game, no chance!
But are we missing the point about money & wealth.
What the issue hides is a potentially 'awkward' conversation that draws one into the subjects of status, schooling, success, and therefore possibly being fairly or unfairly categorised on the basis of class.
Any mention of any the above subjects could lead one to an early night home alone!
If you want a relationship in which money is not top of the agenda then the answer is blindingly simple; date someone who is posh, or someone who is unquestionably filthy rich.
Why?
Well not long ago I went out with a lass who was in my world anyway seriously top totty, we are talking fit, designer clothes & shoes, expensive jewellery, all year round 'bona fide' tan, beautiful apartment here & abroad, convertible sports car.....oh and a great personality, no really & truthfully.
She wasn't interested in me for my wealth, prospects or breeding potential. I don't have any.
But to my astonishment she used to prefer to come round to my tiny one bed flat, rather than veg out in her gorgeous apartment where you needed a walking escalator a la airport style just to get from one of the living rooms to the downstairs cloakroom.
At mine we'd sit on the floor watching tv together, chill out, share a couple of half decent bottles of vino, talk title-tattle before finally hitting the sack.
The reason this 'Lady and the Tramp' relationship ended had nothing to do with cash - it was just I was keen, in fact very keen but she was not keen on the very fact that I was so keen - so let's just leave it at that!
The up shot of that relationship was that I was able to ascertain ways to seduce posh girls - or indeed rich girls - should the opportunity arise again.
The rules are as follows:
* Firstly, have no ambition or money (or at least appear that way, in a kind of audacious manner or bravado).
* Having long hair or at least unkept hair combined with a few days excess facial growth is an advantage.
* A well chewed roll up is a must, as is the smoking of illegal substances.
* Don't work and show no interest in the value of anything or even attempt to understand the meaning of wealth.
* Don't mention the subject of 'culture.' You don't do museums, art galleries or period furniture auctions!
* The less salubrious your dwellings the better. Hygienic is adequate.
* Don't be intimidated or overwhelmed by the prospect of weekend breaks to cities and/or resorts you can't even pronounce, let alone pinpoint on a map. Remember you went to school because you had to, not out of choice. Go with the flow and enjoy the ride.
* Last but not least try to be good fun, congenial, and easy going. This can be accomplished in numerous ways. Learn to play an instrument, however shoddily, take up amateur dramatics, write poetry, or at least leave romantic annotations lying around on post-it notes.
I have on one or two occasions for newly acquired totty of course,(now ex-girlfriends) been known to leave brief notes, not shopping lists, more chic romantic expressions of affection, on household mirrors written using lipstick in my own handwriting.
Inexpensive but incredibly effective, added to the fact that they were not my mirrors nor my lippy, so the clear up factor was er......not my problem!
All the above 'rules' guarantee that you fundamentally have no future earning potential no matter which way you try to dress it up.
Stick to these basic rules and a 'Princess' will be yours.
How else can you explain how Pete Doherty charmed quite literally the pants off the once, not so long ago 'attractive' Kate Moss, one of the World's wealthiest models?
Recently I put my class based seduction technique on the back burner and have begun to try and woo a cute chirpy check-out girl at a local Poundstretcher store. She refers to me as 'luv or 'mate' and I'm on the verge of asking her out for a meal to somewhere exclusive - 'Spud U Like' perhaps. The kind of venue that endorses ripped jeans, worn trainers, spiky hair and bottled suntans.
Like it or not money talks, providing the money is talking to the right individual.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
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Saturday, March 24, 2007
Robert Andrew Woolmer 1948 - 2007
It is with heartfelt sorrow that such a charismatic, popular, and talented thespian in the shape of Bob Woolmer should die so suddenly at the age of only 58, but to have been 'murdered' is truly devastating news to his family, relatives, friends, fellow students of the game, cricket fans and in fact all sports fans in general.
I ask you, will International competitive sport ever be able to fully recover from this tragedy.
The truth about why he was murdered is still unclear, however there are numerous rumours flying around, as one might suspect under the circumstances.
We are all aware of the corruption/match fixing allegations coinciding with the imminent release of his book, as put forward by many a journalist this past week.
But if it does turn out that corruption has played a part in his death, then how can we the public ever trust the outcome of any sporting event in the future to have been truly genuine.
Most of us like a flutter, as it adds to the interest of the event in question, and as in all sports there are always going to be shock results and outcomes.
Cricket is in the spotlight this next week, but next week it could be football, horse racing, golf, tennis.....whatever.
In professional sport 'greed' is the root of all evil.
People, human beings like you & I will always be susceptible to the lure of making money, even if you already have plenty. It may seem improbable that you will be suspected let alone caught. Who will know if you are not giving your best, not trying your hardest, not bothered if you win, lose or draw - if you can cash in big time.
Nobody.....until one day it all goes wrong, as inevitably it will, and you and/or your family are caught up in something bigger & more dangerous than you can handle!
You may not even have been involved directly. You may have been an unsuspecting pawn in a real life crime.
Mr.Woolmer may not have been involved, but he may have been aware of certain instances where match fixing was apparent in the sub-continent.
Knowing too much about something may turn out to have been instrumental behind his 'murder.'
Information & knowledge are powerful tools and may have proved in this instance to have been as dangerous as taking part in the practice itself!
Sincere and heartfelt condolences go to his wife, Gill and sons Dale and Russell.
He will surely live in the hearts of his cricket fans in England, South Africa, Pakistan and all over the world.
Bob Woolmer
Career History:
1968: Debut for Kent.
1972: One-day international debut for England.
1976: Selected as one of Wisden's five cricketers of the year.
1977: The Centenary Test in Melbourne and England went on to take the Ashes 3-0.
Bob signed for Kerry Packer, and the establishment is not amused.
1984: He retired from first class cricket.
1991: Appointed Director of Coaching at Warwickshire County Club in England.
1994: Warwickshire won 3 out of 4 trophies and were runners up in the NatWest series.
He was appointed coach of South Africa
1994-1999: South Africa won 71% of its one-day internationals, and 10 out of 15 Test series under Woolmer.
2004: Appointed Pakistan's coach.
2007: The Pakistan team crashed out of the World Cup after being shocked by debutants Ireland. Found unconscious in his hotel room in the West Indies and later died in a hospital in Jamaica.
**Please do not make failures and successes on cricket fields a matter of life and death.
I ask you, will International competitive sport ever be able to fully recover from this tragedy.
The truth about why he was murdered is still unclear, however there are numerous rumours flying around, as one might suspect under the circumstances.
We are all aware of the corruption/match fixing allegations coinciding with the imminent release of his book, as put forward by many a journalist this past week.
But if it does turn out that corruption has played a part in his death, then how can we the public ever trust the outcome of any sporting event in the future to have been truly genuine.
Most of us like a flutter, as it adds to the interest of the event in question, and as in all sports there are always going to be shock results and outcomes.
Cricket is in the spotlight this next week, but next week it could be football, horse racing, golf, tennis.....whatever.
In professional sport 'greed' is the root of all evil.
People, human beings like you & I will always be susceptible to the lure of making money, even if you already have plenty. It may seem improbable that you will be suspected let alone caught. Who will know if you are not giving your best, not trying your hardest, not bothered if you win, lose or draw - if you can cash in big time.
Nobody.....until one day it all goes wrong, as inevitably it will, and you and/or your family are caught up in something bigger & more dangerous than you can handle!
You may not even have been involved directly. You may have been an unsuspecting pawn in a real life crime.
Mr.Woolmer may not have been involved, but he may have been aware of certain instances where match fixing was apparent in the sub-continent.
Knowing too much about something may turn out to have been instrumental behind his 'murder.'
Information & knowledge are powerful tools and may have proved in this instance to have been as dangerous as taking part in the practice itself!
Sincere and heartfelt condolences go to his wife, Gill and sons Dale and Russell.
He will surely live in the hearts of his cricket fans in England, South Africa, Pakistan and all over the world.
Bob Woolmer
Career History:
1968: Debut for Kent.
1972: One-day international debut for England.
1976: Selected as one of Wisden's five cricketers of the year.
1977: The Centenary Test in Melbourne and England went on to take the Ashes 3-0.
Bob signed for Kerry Packer, and the establishment is not amused.
1984: He retired from first class cricket.
1991: Appointed Director of Coaching at Warwickshire County Club in England.
1994: Warwickshire won 3 out of 4 trophies and were runners up in the NatWest series.
He was appointed coach of South Africa
1994-1999: South Africa won 71% of its one-day internationals, and 10 out of 15 Test series under Woolmer.
2004: Appointed Pakistan's coach.
2007: The Pakistan team crashed out of the World Cup after being shocked by debutants Ireland. Found unconscious in his hotel room in the West Indies and later died in a hospital in Jamaica.
**Please do not make failures and successes on cricket fields a matter of life and death.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Kidney Failure.
The Cricket World Cup is underway in the Caribbean and after reading and hearing all the pre-tournament bumf, I feel confident I can divide the tournament into just three segments, the opening match involving the host nation, the Final itself and most importantly the return of the English team.
As the the TV crews and tabloid happy snappers swarm around the arrivals area of the airport as our prodigal sons return in identical fashion to our footy boys after every major tournament - they may have been defeated (probably in the quarter-finals but not on penalties) but they remain defiant and positive, and every expletive, cliche and excuse under the sun is used to exonerate the players, captain, vice-captain, coach, kit man, dietitian, fitness guru, masseur, therapists, bodyguards, coach driver and so on due to..... the pitches, below par training facilities, exhausting itinerary, extreme heat, dodgy umpiring decisions, injuries, over exuberant fans, insect bites, uncomfortable accommodation, poor sleep c/o late night steel bands across the hallway, poorly educated 'ladies of the night' who were unable to read each member of the touring party a bedtime story and of course sheer bad luck.......yawn!
There's always next time.
Now spare a thought for the World's Biggest Cricket Fan.
His tournament kicks off in under 48 hours time, when on Saturday March 17th India face Bangladesh in Trinidad in their opening Group B game. Mr. Tarun Sharma, 23 a die-hard Indian cricket fan has according to sources threatened to commit suicide by setting fire to himself. The reason for his rather extreme behaviour is that he is not allowed to sell a kidney to raise the stake money for the trip to the World Cup.
Selling body organs in India is illegal unless you are donating them to your relatives and you have the approval of the authorities.....which authorities is debatable. I can't see the Indian Cricket board objecting, but let's for now assume anyway it's some sort of Medical or Government Body.
Sharma said and I quote " I will kill myself if I'm denied a chance to watch the Indians play in the West Indies." He goes on to say, " Anybody can survive with one kidney but you will never get the opportunity to watch India win the Cup in the West Indies"
At odds of generally 7/1 the bookies obviously do not share Mr. Sharma's optimism of
India bring crowned Cricket World Champions.
However how can one begin to compare the value of a body organ with the odds of winning a sporting event.
Now then footy fans. There are plenty of you who regularly spout off about how you would die for your team or club's cause. May I suggest however that it is in fact Mr. Sharma who has actually used this term correctly, in describing what he is prepared to do in his attempt to watch his beloved cricketing nation, or is it simply that he is completely and utterly out of his mind.
Food for thought!
As the the TV crews and tabloid happy snappers swarm around the arrivals area of the airport as our prodigal sons return in identical fashion to our footy boys after every major tournament - they may have been defeated (probably in the quarter-finals but not on penalties) but they remain defiant and positive, and every expletive, cliche and excuse under the sun is used to exonerate the players, captain, vice-captain, coach, kit man, dietitian, fitness guru, masseur, therapists, bodyguards, coach driver and so on due to..... the pitches, below par training facilities, exhausting itinerary, extreme heat, dodgy umpiring decisions, injuries, over exuberant fans, insect bites, uncomfortable accommodation, poor sleep c/o late night steel bands across the hallway, poorly educated 'ladies of the night' who were unable to read each member of the touring party a bedtime story and of course sheer bad luck.......yawn!
There's always next time.
Now spare a thought for the World's Biggest Cricket Fan.
His tournament kicks off in under 48 hours time, when on Saturday March 17th India face Bangladesh in Trinidad in their opening Group B game. Mr. Tarun Sharma, 23 a die-hard Indian cricket fan has according to sources threatened to commit suicide by setting fire to himself. The reason for his rather extreme behaviour is that he is not allowed to sell a kidney to raise the stake money for the trip to the World Cup.
Selling body organs in India is illegal unless you are donating them to your relatives and you have the approval of the authorities.....which authorities is debatable. I can't see the Indian Cricket board objecting, but let's for now assume anyway it's some sort of Medical or Government Body.
Sharma said and I quote " I will kill myself if I'm denied a chance to watch the Indians play in the West Indies." He goes on to say, " Anybody can survive with one kidney but you will never get the opportunity to watch India win the Cup in the West Indies"
At odds of generally 7/1 the bookies obviously do not share Mr. Sharma's optimism of
India bring crowned Cricket World Champions.
However how can one begin to compare the value of a body organ with the odds of winning a sporting event.
Now then footy fans. There are plenty of you who regularly spout off about how you would die for your team or club's cause. May I suggest however that it is in fact Mr. Sharma who has actually used this term correctly, in describing what he is prepared to do in his attempt to watch his beloved cricketing nation, or is it simply that he is completely and utterly out of his mind.
Food for thought!
Monday, March 05, 2007
London BAR King - 'Black Gardenia'
I realise looking at my blog 'Beer Footy and Birds!' that it is fundamentally flawed. The emphasis is most definitely on footy and birds and less so on beer.
As a result I am going to try to rectify this by emBARking on bringing you a short but regular guide to where's hot and where's not in the drinking capital of the world.
To kick things off I would like to bring to your attention a newly opened bar in Soho called the 'Black Gardenia,' formally the Push Bar.
It's situated on 93 Dean Street, London W1 and is now very much a cool yet distinctive, almost moody, cavern style milieu. It offers a diverse miscellany of forties, fifties and sixties tunes, and is open until 1am.
No jeans are allowed, the garb is bordering on vintage, almost Retro and the more vintage your attire the more you will fit in.
A cracking bar. Well worth a visit whatever your vogue.
As a result I am going to try to rectify this by emBARking on bringing you a short but regular guide to where's hot and where's not in the drinking capital of the world.
To kick things off I would like to bring to your attention a newly opened bar in Soho called the 'Black Gardenia,' formally the Push Bar.
It's situated on 93 Dean Street, London W1 and is now very much a cool yet distinctive, almost moody, cavern style milieu. It offers a diverse miscellany of forties, fifties and sixties tunes, and is open until 1am.
No jeans are allowed, the garb is bordering on vintage, almost Retro and the more vintage your attire the more you will fit in.
A cracking bar. Well worth a visit whatever your vogue.
Friday, March 02, 2007
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