The Art of Dating - Things you should never do or say on a first date !

1/ Don’t be late for a date - it’s just plain rude. There is nothing worse than sitting waiting for a first date to show up, not knowing whether they’ve stood you up or are merely running a bit behind. So save everyone the extra stress – since first dates are stressful enough – and make a point of being there on time.

2/ Don't take your kids with you, seems obvious but it happens!

3/ Don’t leave your date to go talk to friends. It’s indecorous. Instead if you run into buddies, introduce them to your date and then politely have them move on.

4/ Don't say you want to meet their parents or start talking about marriage and babies.

5/ Ladies, don’t re-apply make-up at the dinner table. It’s not cute, in fact it’s rather uncouth. Excuse yourself, and go to the washroom.

6/ Keep your super fan status in check. If you love your sports and enjoy watching a game with your mates, fine. If sport is a religion and you have your favourite team or player tattooed on your back, you may have a problem! If you are serious about dating, rattling off football stats, ranting on about unfair refereeing decisions and constantly checking the score while out on a date is a no no. To the uninitiated, sport is boring, and many women interpret the obsession as a total lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sports too, and rooting for the same team is great, but making your passion into a one-sided affair is a dangerous game.

7/ Ladies, don't wear those six-inch heels you bought on eBay, thinking they were Louboutins, but actually turned out to be regulation stripper footwear.

8/ Don't check out other people when you're on a date. This is just tacky. You may think you are subtle, but while you're scoping the cutie in the corner, your date will be heading for the door.

9/Don't mention illnesses, defects or injuries. Girls like healthy, strong guys, so if you have some type of illness, defect or injury, don’t go speaking about it. Don’t lie nor hide anything – just don’t bring the conversation that way.

10/ Don't talk about your ex. Discussing your dating past will make your date horribly uncomfortable until he or she knows you better. Girls, you know what, I don't care about your last boyfriend. I'd rather hear about your gynecologist's cold hands!

11/ Girls, even guys know that the friend who calls you exactly 30 minutes into our date isn't really in the hospital with Toxic Shock Syndrome. It means you're not interested. But if you're actually into a guy you're on a date with, put away your damn phone.

12/ When it comes to a date, try to squeeze in some questions about the other person in between excessive uses of 'me' and ' I ' - Not allowing your date to talk about themselves will make them feel like your therapist!

13/Don’t take medication in front of your date.

14/ Avoid Belching, farting, pick your nose, spiting, eating with your mouth open, and chewing gum. It's not clever and it's not funny!

15/ Why let facts get in the way of a good story:
It is tempting to lie about yourself because you want to look understanding, funny, easy going, compassionate, cool and the rest of the more favorable traits. However anything you hide will slowly be unraveled in time. So if you think killing animals and burying them in your garden is a fun activity, you’d best convey that information up front. After all, even a potential serial killer can find love.


What NOT to say on a first date?

"I think my biological clock is ticking."

"Do you mind paying? I'm in between jobs."

"I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it."

"I've got a gimp suit in the car boot, and it will fit you like a glove"

"No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin."

"I just got out of rehab."

"I really feel that I’ve grown as a person in the past few years. Used to be, I wouldn’t have given someone like you a second look."

"I’ll miss you, until I go out and buy some porn."

"I really like your dress, I have one at home just like it."

.........and for those lads out there who wish to explore the topic in more detail, and find out the truth about what skills and strategies are needed on a first date, then this is a must read! coffee-date-secrets

Got A Date? - Need A Chic Place To Eat?

Now being a South East London guy the social butterfly in moi rarely sees me venture to South West London, mainly as I have no relatives or close friends from that part of the world.
However this week I was in the locality sampling the delights of 'Napket' - on a blind date!

To describe Napket as a cafe is to restore the true meaning to the word, and if fashion could be captured in an edible format, it would probably look like Napket.

This setting is without doubt the recreation of café society in London's King's Road. But refreshingly that doesn't mean the cafe itself is as pretentious as the people walking past it's exterior.

Unlike so many eateries which place such a heavyweight emphasis on 'the look and feel' Napket concentrates on serving up fine cuisine. The food is delicious, imaginative and superbly presented.

As a date place, it fits in nicely either as a place for a spot of brunch or alternatively for a quick post-work appetizer.

For a start if your date looks like the something out of a horror movie, at least
there are pictures of pretty people on the walls to divert your attention.
For the more vulgar, ill-bred person there is a facility to plug your headphones into the iPod sockets situated on each table, for those who would rather hum along to say Janet Jackson's 'Nasty' or Rihanna's 'S.O.S (Rescue Me)' and pretend they are elsewhere!

The date itself was er.....forgettable. Not bad enough to require the iPod service, but not good enough to require a second bite of the cherry.....enough said!

The venue although diminutive (only 25 covers) seeks to dazzle with subtly rather than in your face extravagance. It is well designed with glossy dark surfaces and glass chandeliers.

To enjoy such sophisticated surroundings and fine food one would think that it could leave your wallet feeling severely distressed, but not a bit of it, Napket is indeed excellent value.


'Napket' is located on 342 King's Road, London SW3.
Nearest tube: Sloane Square.
Opening Times: Mon - Thurs: 08:00 - 21:00, Fri - Sun: 08:00 - 22:00.
A meal for two is about £25.

'Kissing with Confidence'........Is kissing in public unsexy?

The right to reply:

In response to the very laboured, drearily written article:-
'Quiet Dignity Is Best......kissing in public isn't sexy' by Zoe Strimpel, in Monday's copy of 'The London Paper,' I felt I had to respond vehemently on behalf of all 'Alpha Males' out there with a pulse!
I have not gone soft..........honest!
I just felt a strong desire, call it a fervour if you like, to counter this argument.

Let me enlighten you Ms Strimpel. Individuality and spontaneity (along with clean underwear and fresh breath) go some way in the complex world of wooing a potential female partner, or at least keeping the life in your current squeeze!

Women are always crowing on about how boring and/or unadventurous us lads are when it comes to showing women not so much a good time (a tank full of Stella Artois = a good time), but in terms of the bog standard typical brassy female thought process, there are many a phrase banded around by the opposite sex, that are often alien to some men!
The inventory sits something like a supermarket shopping list.......... they include such idioms as: attentive, thoughtful, kind, gentle, sensitive, considerate, caring and so on.

Showing her you want her, that you want other people to look at her and desire her, even though she is with you, will cause a women's heart to beat that little bit quicker!
'Touching' is the key element. The building blocks begin with small but significant gestures.
Putting your arm around her waist, a soft kiss on the cheek, gently brushing a stray hair off her face, a tight squeeze of her hand.
Women love it because it makes them feel 'wanted' and 'special.'

Snogging in public - well there may be a time and a place, but believe me anybody would rather pucker up in public than not at all!

Ms. Strimpel bleated on in her column about an experience of hers that involved 'public kissing' at a recent awards bash held in a London hotel.
She 'dished' the whole incident, even though she admitted she had already spotted some potential 'eye candy' prior to necking a couple of bottles of vino over dinner and some 'shampoo' at the reception at the beginning of the evening.

The 'cute guy' as she put it was to become her victim, as she made the first purposeful move, and he responded by openly locking lips with her - much to her disapproval it would seem!
His spontaneity, taking the bull by the horns approach, in responding to her initial move had obviously caught her on the back foot, and in her own words she found it, 'frankly off-putting.'
The fact that this guy was happy to make a public show of affection 'appalled her.'
'Taken aback but still up for a snog,' her words not mine, she showed stubborn persistence, suggesting going 'somewhere slightly less public.'

She then talked of the 'pervy stares of the random old men and sex-starved geeks' in the room, watching her public display!

She talks as if she might be a product of a strict upbringing, a convent schooling or as is far more likely the case on the night in question, she suddenly suffered from some kind of temporary morality issue.

Her 'sobering act' was to 'walk away from the guy in question and avoid him for the rest of the night.' Some people might sneer, scoff or goad you, even criticize you, shout 'tease' in your direction, or words to that effect.
Would one be justified in doing so?
As Zoe put it 'she suddenly preferred quiet dignity to public displays of animal desire.'

Nice one Zoe!
Perhaps you should have thought about your values beforehand?

Also Zoe it's a bit rich to say that during your snog you were being stared at by 'pervy old men and sex-starved geeks.'
Zoe love, it does not make you a pervert to pass a fleeting look, or momentary glance at a couple getting up close and personal.
It probably means she's hot and as a guy in that room you would like to be doing something similar yourself - men want her and women want to be like her!
You want to be close enough to that someone to be able to see her pupils dilate, hold her as she stands almost out of her shoes - on the tips of her toes, back arched, with the intimate smell of her perfume peripatetic, and to be able to feel the touch of her soft glowing skin against yours.

Ok, so we do not want people in public undressing each other, grinding up against each other, or playing tonsil tennis.
But for God's sake, seize the day, seize the moment!
Always keep her guessing - she will forever remember, and for that she will be putty in your hands, not a concrete pillar in your bed!

Believe me passion wins over a 'game willing gal,' but if you don't want to be seen in the public domain then Zoe, ask yourself the real reason why balcony's, basements, boardrooms and broom cupboards were really created......along with fire escapes, wine cellars and alleyways!

As she said in her piece, it is for this reason that she now understands why the phrase 'get a room' was invented. Yawn!

I wonder if Zoe is single, or happily single?

'The Lady & The Tramp' - Pounds Sterling OR Poundstretcher!

All hail Mr. Kevin Braddock. (writer for 'The London Paper')
After another lifeless day at the 'orifice' I was on the chuffer home assuming the bog standard bolt upright posture, among the sweaty armpits that filled the air and with my faced pressed to the glass door. Bored of the panoramic grey concrete landscape that was illuminating my journey I dared to open very carefully, with elbows tucked in, as if doing dumbell raises in the gym, today's copy of 'The London Paper' (10 April '07) that had been thrust into my sweaty paw at Victoria Station.

I was instantly drawn to his editorial headline (on page 25) announcing 'Rich Girls Don't Care Too Much For Money.' So after a few minutes of intriguing reading I knew this was well worth sharing.
But to avoid being accused of plagiarism I have 're-worked' the article to give it a more closer to home feel on my part, so as to share with you my own worldly but humble experiences of the article in hand.

Recently a fiery debate has reared its head in the press on the subject of who should pay on a first date, or should I say who doesn't pay?
Well while the debate rages on, let's examine the subject in more depth.

Dating is an old-fashioned expression for taking a chick you fancy out on the town, getting them fully loaded, pretending your interested in anything they are or better still their folks are, even if it is fly-fishing, and to declare that you are in touch with your femine side, so you don't mind doing girlie things.... all as long as in the morning you get to say that icon of all idioms......'there is a cab number by the phone, do what you feels right.'

Dating is not about taking totty home to meet your folks!

Lads: face it. Money talks when it comes to dating.
I have never met totty that has EVER 'admitted' to me anyway, that money doesn't matter. But not all totty is looking for a company director's salary!
Now this is where hope springs eternal for yours truly.

Starting a relationship on a 'financial budget style safeguard' is a a non-starter, and a sure fire way not to make it to second base.(Comparable with missing a penalty in the last minute of a cup semi-final).
You never get to go there again, and it lives within you perpetually.

Expecting women to pay, especially on a first date is like turning up to see your favourite team play the most important game of the year, only to find you have left your season ticket in last nights jeans.
Or equally complaining your date has turned up in high heels and a skimpy micro skirt
instead of a maternity dress and builders boots - No fun, no game, no chance!

But are we missing the point about money & wealth.
What the issue hides is a potentially 'awkward' conversation that draws one into the subjects of status, schooling, success, and therefore possibly being fairly or unfairly categorised on the basis of class.
Any mention of any the above subjects could lead one to an early night home alone!

If you want a relationship in which money is not top of the agenda then the answer is blindingly simple; date someone who is posh, or someone who is unquestionably filthy rich.
Why?

Well not long ago I went out with a lass who was in my world anyway seriously top totty, we are talking fit, designer clothes & shoes, expensive jewellery, all year round 'bona fide' tan, beautiful apartment here & abroad, convertible sports car.....oh and a great personality, no really & truthfully.

She wasn't interested in me for my wealth, prospects or breeding potential. I don't have any.
But to my astonishment she used to prefer to come round to my tiny one bed flat, rather than veg out in her gorgeous apartment where you needed a walking escalator a la airport style just to get from one of the living rooms to the downstairs cloakroom.
At mine we'd sit on the floor watching tv together, chill out, share a couple of half decent bottles of vino, talk title-tattle before finally hitting the sack.

The reason this 'Lady and the Tramp' relationship ended had nothing to do with cash - it was just I was keen, in fact very keen but she was not keen on the very fact that I was so keen - so let's just leave it at that!

The up shot of that relationship was that I was able to ascertain ways to seduce posh girls - or indeed rich girls - should the opportunity arise again.


The rules are as follows:

* Firstly, have no ambition or money (or at least appear that way, in a kind of audacious manner or bravado).
* Having long hair or at least unkept hair combined with a few days excess facial growth is an advantage.
* A well chewed roll up is a must, as is the smoking of illegal substances.
* Don't work and show no interest in the value of anything or even attempt to understand the meaning of wealth.
* Don't mention the subject of 'culture.' You don't do museums, art galleries or period furniture auctions!
* The less salubrious your dwellings the better. Hygienic is adequate.
* Don't be intimidated or overwhelmed by the prospect of weekend breaks to cities and/or resorts you can't even pronounce, let alone pinpoint on a map. Remember you went to school because you had to, not out of choice. Go with the flow and enjoy the ride.
* Last but not least try to be good fun, congenial, and easy going. This can be accomplished in numerous ways. Learn to play an instrument, however shoddily, take up amateur dramatics, write poetry, or at least leave romantic annotations lying around on post-it notes.

I have on one or two occasions for newly acquired totty of course,(now ex-girlfriends) been known to leave brief notes, not shopping lists, more chic romantic expressions of affection, on household mirrors written using lipstick in my own handwriting.
Inexpensive but incredibly effective, added to the fact that they were not my mirrors nor my lippy, so the clear up factor was er......not my problem!

All the above 'rules' guarantee that you fundamentally have no future earning potential no matter which way you try to dress it up.
Stick to these basic rules and a 'Princess' will be yours.

How else can you explain how Pete Doherty charmed quite literally the pants off the once, not so long ago 'attractive' Kate Moss, one of the World's wealthiest models?

Recently I put my class based seduction technique on the back burner and have begun to try and woo a cute chirpy check-out girl at a local Poundstretcher store. She refers to me as 'luv or 'mate' and I'm on the verge of asking her out for a meal to somewhere exclusive - 'Spud U Like' perhaps. The kind of venue that endorses ripped jeans, worn trainers, spiky hair and bottled suntans.

Like it or not money talks, providing the money is talking to the right individual.