What NOT to buy a Woman for Christmas!

It’s that time of year again, when thoughts turn to Christmas and that annual dilemma of what to buy friends and family.

Buying Christmas presents for your partner however, can prove even more of a minefield, especially if you are the kind of man that finds gift buying an ordeal.

This is the time of year when many husbands and boyfriends break out in cold sweats trying to figure out just the right gift to give their wives and girlfriends, so they won’t end up in the doghouse!

First of all start by making a a list of all the things you’ve been thinking of getting her. When you are through, light the list on fire and toss it into the fireplace. Make sure the flue is open!

Think harder and make another list. Spend some time on it. More time than say, the half-time break during a televised football match.

Ok, now look over the list and mark out anything that:
(a) requires an extension cord, (b) you’d enjoy using as much or more than she would, (c) can only be purchased in a hardware store or petrol station, or (d) in any way implies that you don’t like her body, her hair, or her mother. If there’s anything left on the list, mark it out too.

Good, now we’re getting somewhere! This time, make a list of what your partner enjoys doing in her spare time, when she’s not working, raising the kids, doing chores or returning the gifts you got her for her birthday. Add as many things as you can; try to get the list up to at least two items.

When choosing a gift for your wife consider how she will interpret the meaning behind your gift. If in doubt, ask one of her friends or don’t run the risk.

What men don’t understand about gift buying for their wife is........women see the creativity, effort and gift itself as a direct reflection of how much her partner loves her. Men see a gift as a gift! Whether you think it makes sense or not, in general, there is a lot riding on your gift choice – so if you are not planning on taking up residence in the dog house take your gift buying seriously!


P-Mate:

What weirder way to let her know you care than to give her the ability to pee standing up. Yes, yes, yes, it's hilarious that this product exists, but it's for hiking, camping or for women with hip problems. So as funny as it may be when you place the order on a drunken night of online shopping, it probably won't be as much fun explaining this one on a sober Christmas morning.


Exercise Equipment or Gym Membership:

I don’t care if your chunky wife keeps mentioning how bad she wants to get in shape and she needs a treadmill – she will hate you forever if you stick that baby under the tree. It’s one thing to encourage her big booty to get to the gym and work off her 'baby weight,' but it’s another to stick something under the tree that screams, "You need to slim that lard ass of yours down!"


A Stripper Pole:

It does happen! The wife of a friend of mine took a stripper class to get into shape and her husband shoved a pole under the tree the next year. I know you’re just dying to see what goes on in those classes and you want to see your lady’s new-found talents, but installing one of these in your house will only ensure your disappointment, plus she will have all the ammo she needs to start accusing you of going to strip clubs all the time and not being happy with the 'real' woman in your life.


Fake Designer Anything:

Not quite as bad as a stripper pole, but still lacking in thought.
Buying your wife/girlfriend a fake Ralph Lauren or a fake Gucci handbag is wrong in so many ways!
Do not buy anything off the back of a lorry, or from from a guy named Burt or a woman called Snow Bunny. They will tell you what you want to hear - "this plastic bag is an authentic designer handbag worth £400, yours for £19.99."
Do not believe them, don't fall for it, don't buy it!


Underwear: (Particularly Smart Ass thongs, Sexy Santa lingerie or Shaping underwear)

A line of novelty thong underwear emblazoned
with 'hilarious' messages like
'gold digger,' 'control freak,' and 'desperate housewife'............because nothing says "I love you deeply" like personalized panties.

As for Sexy Santa lingerie - stop, take a long hard look at yourself and think is that on her Christmas wish list, or yours.........? And really, do you want to be reminded of a fat guy with a beard when you look at your girlfriend?

When it comes to Shaping Underwear, anything that suggests that the recipient is anything less than perfect will go down like a lead balloon!


Ceiling Mirror:

A bedroom ceiling mirror may seem like an awesome idea at first, but do you really want her to get a good view of your hairy or spotty back.
Plus don’t actively encourage her to call you a pervert or think you want her to invite her best friend to join you in the bedroom! The bonus? She might actually love this if she’s into decorating, but if you’re banking on it going up over the bed, you might be disappointed when you come home and see it above the dresser.


Car Related Items:

Buying her anything for her car isn’t for her........it’s for you. She doesn’t care that she has no sense of direction, that her car is messy. She doesn’t use that sunshield thingy and she certainly won’t use one of those scraper devices to remove ice, because she will lose it in the mess of her car. She will end up scraping her windows with a credit card like she’s done since the day she was first able to drive.


Cookbook:

The last thing your woman wants to open up on Christmas morning is a reminder of the huge meal she has to prepare all by herself (mainly because your lazy ass is already drunk from over indulgence the night before)
Unless your significant other is an aspiring chef or just loves to cook and create new dishes frequently, a cookbook is a gift that could be taken the wrong way. They're fun to browse through at first, but quickly loose their appeal, only to be stuck on a shelf to collect dust.


A Divorce:

Yes, I have heard of this happening and I think it is both a cruel and psychopathic way to behave at Christmas. If you are going to end the marriage, don't ruin Christmas and scar her for the rest of her life by handing her a set of divorce papers. Get it over with at least a month before or after Christmas. At least then she can buy her own Christmas present, or get a refund in the January sales!



The clock is ticking and Christmas will be here before you know it. Now that you know a few of the things you should not purchase, how do you know what would be a great gift?

Be a good understudy to your partner. Listen carefully to what she says. Pay attention to the things she enjoys and the way she spends her time. Does she enjoy weekend breaks, being pampered, reading a good book, going to the movies, eating out or crazy outdoor activities?

You might even try asking her to give you a list of things she would like for Christmas. (Note: wives/girlfriends/partners, if your other half asks you to make a list of things you would like for Christmas, please do it. Don’t respond with, "If you don’t know what to buy me for Christmas, I am certainly not going to tell you.")

Men, with a little investigative work you can uncover some helpful hints that will guide you in your gift buying.

If all else fails and you are still at a loss it isn’t against the rules to ask her to accompany you on a shopping spree, to find the perfect gift.

Good luck guys!

What not to buy a woman for Christmas!

It’s that time of year again, when thoughts turn to Christmas and that annual dilemma of what to buy friends and family.

Buying Christmas presents for your partner however, can prove even more of a minefield, especially if you are the kind of man that finds gift buying an ordeal.

Be wary of the kind of Christmas present you choose for your beloved, as giving an inappropriate present could spell the end of a beautiful relationship!

Although giving gift certificates and money may be a good gift idea in some cases, it is also advisable to give some sort of other small item attached with it. You want your wife to feel that you put some thought into her gift. Don't give gift certificates to places like bowling alleys or a day driving a souped up car around a racing track (unless she is a car fanatic). The gift is supposed to be for her — not you!

Unless you know that your gift is going to be well received avoid buying anything that implies a flaw. This could include a self-help book, bathroom scales, a set of cookbooks, a style guide, exercise equipment or a Wii fit!

Chore-related or practical gifts may seem just the thing, but avoid gifts like vacuum cleaners, blenders, irons, brooms, toasters and saucepans etc, unless such an item has been specifically requested. Christmas is for the buying of personal gifts — ones that are thoughtful, meaningful, possibly intimate, sometimes fun and in some cases indulgent.

Do not give your partner any item that you charge to her credit card. She wants you to pay for her gift. Not only that, you don't want her to know that you got that beautiful gift at a bargain basement price. Make her believe that you were willing to pay top dollar and that no amount is too much for you to spend on her.

Let's face it – shopping for girls is not easy. There are tons of resources out there telling you what to buy and where to buy it. I thought I'd take a different approach and point out some gifts I'd suggest you steer well clear of this Christmas. Here’s what NOT to buy your wife or girlfriend for Christmas this year.........

1/ P-Mate.

What weirder way to let her know you care than to give her the ability to pee standing up. Yes, yes, yes, it's hilarious that this product exists, but it's for hiking, camping or for women with hip problems. So as funny as it may be when you place the order on a drunken night of online shopping, it probably won't be as much fun explaining this one on a sober Christmas morning.

2/ Facial Hair Remover.

These things, hilarious as they may be, are all the rage right now among women. They apparently do work for all sorts of things, but women don’t generally react well to guys suggesting they use them. You may think you’re being clever in getting her a useful tool to use in her never ending quest for beauty, but she’ll think you’re telling her she has a moustache and a unibrow.

3/ Gel inserts for her bra.

.....it equates to receiving a gift certificate from your partner for a penis enlargement. How festive! If 'she' wants a boob job then pay for her to have one, but not in some dodgy back-street underground surgery, by a half-baked surgeon, in a country better known for brewing lager than performing breast augmentation.

4/ Acne or Wrinkle Creams.

We see women spend ridiculous amounts of money and time on facial creams, exfoliants, complexion repair treatments, 'age-defying' lotions and all the other things they gobble up on a regular basis. Some of us might get the bright idea to get a girl some of this stuff for Christmas, thinking it’s normal and apparently appreciated. We’d be wrong. Getting a girl anything but scented lotions is like saying she needs some work done, and she’s not likely to appreciate that very much.

5/ Playboy Playmate of the Month Necklace.

She likes jewellery and she likes things that are personal, like her birthstone and you of course love Playmates, so a 'Playmate of the Month Necklace' with her birthday month is the perfect gift right? Okay, let’s start over. Do you want her to find your stash of magazines and then bin them? No? Okay, then don’t buy this for her.

6/ Promise Rings.

Yes it’s pretty and sweet and she'll totally love it, but if you’re not planning to give her an engagement ring by Valentine’s day or at least by next Christmas you will have one bitter, disappointed woman on your hands. Women will tell you that Promise Rings are just a promise to love her forever, but the truth is you’re basically saying: "I promise to get engaged soon, I’m just saving up for the the £5000 version, so for now, enjoy this."
If you want to do the jewellery thing, just stick to an elegant necklace and/or some earrings, but definitely do not give your partner pieces of jewellery that belonged to ex-wives or past girlfriends.

7/ Ceiling Mirror.

A bedroom ceiling mirror may seem like an awesome idea at first, but do you really want her to get a good view of your hairy back or black moles? Plus don’t actively encourage her to call you a pervert. The bonus? She might actually love this if she’s into decorating, but if you’re banking on it going up over the bed, you might be disappointed when you come home and see it above the dresser.

8/ Nono Razor.

Whether or not she enjoys personal grooming, she probably doesn’t want to hear from you that she should shave her 'nono'. We understand that this was a thoughtful gift because of its Thermacon technology that gently transmits heat to the hair and can be used frequently to eliminate rashes and ingrowing hairs. It's just.......well, it’s just wrong to buy one of those things for your partner.

9/ Bikini Wax Kit.

This says "I don’t like the way your whole crotch looks, and I’d like you to change that for me." Not exactly the romantic message you want to send to a girl at Christmas, is it? A gift certificate to an expensive, full service salon/spa that also offers bikini wax services is a better bet. You never know, while she’s there, she may decide on her own to go ahead and trim the grounds.

10/ Nose Hair Trimmer.

As odd as this sounds, it’s happened more times than should ever be counted. Usually as part of a bigger package, lazy guys make the mistake of not accounting for the unisex nature of travel kits. It’s bad enough that you’re handing your girlfriend a totally insincere, last minute 'gift,' but having a nose hair trimmer as part of the deal is like a slap to the face — something you should probably expect if you try this one.

11/ Tickle His Pickle.

How-To sex books are probably not very kosher as far as Chanukah gifts go. Seriously save this for a less spiritual holiday, even Valentine’s Day is a little risky.......besides it’ll probably backfire when she lets you know who REALLY needs tips. Ouch!

12/ A Divorce.

Yes, I have heard of this happening and I think it is both a cruel and psychopathic way to behave at Christmas. If you are going to end the marriage, don't ruin Christmas and scar her for the rest of her life by handing her a set of divorce papers. Get it over with at least a month before or after Christmas. At least then she can buy her own Christmas present.



The clock is ticking and Christmas will be here before you know it. Now that you know a few of the things you should not purchase, how do you know what would be a great gift?

Be a good understudy to your partner. Listen carefully to what she says. Pay attention to the things she enjoys and the way she spends her time. Does she enjoy weekend breaks, being pampered, reading a good book, going to the movies, eating out or crazy outdoor activities?

You might even try asking her to give you a list of things she would like for Christmas. (Note: wives/girlfriends/partners, if your other half asks you to make a list of things you would like for Christmas, please do it. Don’t respond with, "If you don’t know what to buy me for Christmas, I am certainly not going to tell you.")

Men, with a little investigative work you can uncover some helpful hints that will guide you in your gift buying.

If all else fails and you are still at a loss it isn’t against the rules to ask her to accompany you on a shopping spree, to find the perfect gift.

Good luck guys!

Like the 'Seven Deadly Sins,' here are the 'Seven Worst Gifts' a man can give a woman at Christmas.

Guys, Christmas is approaching fast! We know that many of you like to wait until ten minutes before the shops close on Christmas Eve before attempting to buy those supposedly fantastic gifts for the 'love of your life.'

Remember women are happy to receive gifts! It shows thoughtfulness, time, and effort on your part, and gives women a sense of feeling loved and appreciated. Of course tastes vary, but there are a few offerings that tend to fall short of a women's expectations.

For Christmas you must be very careful when choosing your wife/girlfriend/partner the right gift. Buying the wrong gift can easily send out the wrong message.

Men, please read this list of no-no's carefully, if you value your relationship - don't even consider buying any of the following items for your partner.
This list may well save you a trip to the A & E Department and/or divorce court.
The life you save may be your own!

1/ A Stripper Pole.

It does happen! The wife of a friend of mine took a stripper class to get into shape and her husband shoved a pole under the tree the next year. I know you’re just dying to see what goes on in those classes and you want to see your lady’s new-found talents, but installing one of these in your house will only ensure your disappointment, plus she will have all the ammo she needs to start accusing you of going to strip clubs all the time and not being happy with the 'real' woman in your life.

2/ Fake Designer Anything.

Not quite as bad as a stripper pole, but still lacking in thought.
Buying your wife/girlfriend a fake Ralph Lauren or a fake Gucci handbag is wrong in so many ways!
Do not buy anything off the back of a lorry, or from from a guy named Burt or a woman called Snow Bunny. They will tell you what you want to hear - "this plastic bag is an authentic designer handbag worth £400, yours for £19.99."
Do not believe them, don't fall for it, don't buy it!

3/ Small Appliances.

Or large ones for that matter! Never Give a woman, for Christmas any household appliance that you think will make her life easier. If a woman needs (or even just wants) a new blender, vacuum cleaner, toaster or microwave, they'll go out and buy it for themselves. Appliances just send the wrong message.
For me, it congers up images of the 1950's housewife who wishes to please her man by keeping the house clean and has dinner waiting on the table when he walks through the door.

4/ Stuffed Animals.

I know a percentage of women will disagree with me on this one, but come on ladies! We're not in junior high school anymore. There's a time in a young woman's life where a stuffed animal is an appropriate gift, and it happens to not be when you are a grown up.

5/ Exercise Equipment or Gym Membership.

I don’t care if your chunky wife keeps mentioning how bad she wants to get in shape and she needs a treadmill – she will hate you forever if you stick that baby under the tree. It’s one thing to encourage her big booty to get to the gym and work off her 'baby weight,' but it’s another to stick something under the tree that screams, "You need to slim that lard ass of yours down!"

6/ Car Related Items.

Buying her anything for her car isn’t for her........it’s for you. She doesn’t care that she has no sense of direction, that her car is messy. She doesn’t use that sunshield thingy and she certainly won’t use one of those scraper devices to remove ice, because she will lose it in the mess of her car. She will end up scraping her windows with a credit card like she’s done since the day she was first able to drive.

7/ A Cookbook.

The last thing your woman wants to open up on Christmas morning is a reminder of the huge meal she has to prepare all by herself (mainly because your lazy ass is already drunk from over indulgence the night before)
Unless your significant other is an aspiring chef or just loves to cook and create new dishes frequently, a cookbook is a gift that could be taken the wrong way. They're fun to browse through at first, but quickly loose their appeal, only to be stuck on a shelf to collect dust.


So now that you know what not to buy, I can hear you screaming from the rooftops,"so what the hell do I get her then?"

The trick is to not ask her. Asking her will only ruin the surprise and display to her that you have no idea what to get her. What you need to do is a little research and harness your skills of observation. How do I do that? I hear you ask........

The next time you're watching TV together, take note of any comments she makes during the Ads of any products or items she likes. When you are shopping together, see which shops she veers towards and tries to drag you into. Figure out what her hobbies are and see if you can buy anything to compliment them or anything she needs.

The more creative you are with your gift this Christmas, the more impressed your partner will be. It's not hard, it just takes a little time and effort.

If you've taken the time to ask her friends what she secretly wants, and got it - she will be eternally grateful.......or grateful at least until next Christmas!