Showing posts with label Luton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Luton. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
After-Dinner Sports Tales - Chris Kamara
Here is my is my first of 2010 but my sixth installment so far on the subject of light hearted after-dinner sporting tales, as told by current or ex-professional sportsman.
In previous articles on the subject of 'After-Dinner Sports Tales,' I have chosen humorous anecdotes as told by the likes of Rodney Marsh Gareth Southgate and Chris Coleman from the world of football, Phil Tufnell from cricket, and rugby union's Wade Dooley.
Today I have chosen another former footballer, but one who despite having retired from the game in 1998, can still be seen on a Saturday afternoon......but on your TV screens, usually as a Sky Sports TV reporter/analyst - the one and only, the charismatic Chris Kamara.
Chris Kamara was born in Middlesbrough on Christmas Day in 1957. After serving with the British Royal Navy he joined Portsmouth in 1975, beginning a professional footballing career that saw him move between nine clubs, scoring 71 goals in 641 league appearances. He was also manager of Bradford City and Stoke City before retiring from the game.
Here is an amusing excerpt from a speech made by Chris at a sporting dinner.
"I enjoyed a long career as a football player, signing for Portsmouth (twice), Swindon (twice), Brentford, Stoke, Leeds, Luton, Middlesbrough, Sheffield Utd and Bradford. I then made the transition into management, the highlight being taking Bradford into the First Division via a Wembley play-off final.
I became somewhat of an unlucky mascot to several teams during my playing days. In early 1992, I played my last game for Leeds, which took them to the top of the table. Manager Howard Wilkinson wanted to make sure they stayed there - so he sold me to Luton the very next day! Sure enough, Leeds won the Championship, without me.
David Pleat, the Luton boss, signed me to change things. Luton had been in the top division for ten years - the old First Division, now the Premier League. I certainly did help to change things - Luton were relegated!
I then went to my hometown club Middlesbrough, signing for Lennie Lawrence. It was their first season in the Premier League, and even though Lennie had previously saved Charlton from going down for five years in the late 80's and early 90's, without me, I was a part of the Middlesbrough team he managed that were relegated in the inaugural Premier League season in 1992-93!
Then there was the greatest escapologist since Harry Houdini - Dave 'Harry' Bassett, manager of Sheffield United. He was the boss who could get out of anything. But in the 1993-94 season he signed me, the fateful unlucky mascot - you've probably guessed it by now - Sheffield United went down.
During this period struggling Coventry City were actually paying teams to sign me!"
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
'CRAP TOWNS' - The worst places to live in the U.K
Whilst in the throws of reading some literature lately on ' The 50 worst places to live in the UK - The idler book of CRAP TOWNS' - I began to deliberate in my own mind as to whether there was any correlation with some of these 'crap towns' also being towns with football clubs attached.
Irrespective of the success or otherwise of any such football clubs, I was more interested in whether or not it was possible to argue that having a football club in a town made it a better or a worse place to live.
A form of investigative journalism if you like!
Now being an avid footy fan I have to say over the years I have visited, (for better and for worse as a priest would say) both some alluring and equally abhorrent places whilst following my team around the UK.
Britain is full of crap towns full stop. Why?
Well look at all the miserable faces you see walking around the streets of your very own town, the overcrowded trains, the filthy walkways, inner-city crime, poverty, the economic climate, the smell, the concrete monstrosities for housing estates, hospital waiting lists, CCTV on every street corner, kids pushing prams, speed humps, cycle lanes, plastic glasses...........
The UK is soiled and full of people with tales of all the various forms of misery their towns have inflicted on their lives.
The UK and its towns are full of 'Rules' and 'Fun is Forbidden.'
A few years ago Hull, the gateway to Europe was considered 'The UK's No.1 Crap Town' but having used the 'net to check if this was still the case I subsequently found out that Luton indeeds currently holds the crown!
Both footballing towns, Hull has been described as 'smelling of death' due to the combination of its own chocolate factory and on days when there is a a south-east wind blowing, the smell of nearby Grimsby adds a fishy staleness to the odour.
Windsor perhaps surprisingly, was voted the second worst place to live this time around.
One voter said: 'The big thing about Windsor is that its townsfolk believe that by living near the castle they are more or less royalty themselves.'
Sunderland was described 'not so much a town, more of a mortuary' and came in third.
Other towns to feature included Croydon where the slang phrase 'Croydon-facelift' derived - hair that is scraped back so tight in a pony tail that it pulls back the wearer's cheekbones.
Morecambe the seaside town that promoted itself as a smaller version of Blackpool has been in a sad decline since the late 1930's.
Why anyone would ever go there is beyond me, unless you were unlucky enough to be born and brought up there!
Hythe, a small town on the south coast is quite possibly the most 'spirit-crushingly tedious town in Kent.' (Quite a feat)
Hythe has been labelled as: 'the place that makes nearby Folkestone look like Las Vegas.'
Other 'crap towns' to make the list that also double up as footballing towns included: Middlesbrough, Nottingham, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Brighton, Stockport, Portsmouth and Peterborough.
It is claimed Portsmouth is one of the most densely populated areas in Europe and is said to have one of the thickest populations.
Stockport is a typical mill town in South Manchester made prosperous by the Industrial Revolution.
However the superseding 'look' for Stockport locals is a shaven head with optional designer label baseball cap/visor, a shellsuit, the legs of which are tucked into a pair of luminous socks accompanied by a pair of kicker-style boots.
Gold plated jewellery in the form of chains, bracelets and earrings are an accepted and necessary part of the 'look.'
Brighton, the home of the nearest beach to London and Tory conferences, trades on a misinformed reputation for coolness!
The town was once described as 'The World's End' despite the council beating on about it being a 'beautiful city by the sea.'
It is neither beautiful nor a City!
Half of it is dirty, noisy & packed with horrible, gobby young fashion victims, mainly students studying 'The life and times of Peter Ward' or 'All things football in London's SE25.'
The rest of Brighton is a grimy Southeast town with council estates, teenage mums and screaming kids.
The guys roam the seafront on a Friday night, looking for someone from the other half to knock ten bells out of.
Now for the results of my investigative journalism.
I could not find any rhyme or reason to link 'crap towns' and 'footballing towns' together. There was no reason to suppose a town hosting a football club was any better or worse off as a result..........but it was fun trying!
If you would like to nominate a town that you consider to be one of the worst places to live in the U.K then post the name of that town and one reason why it is so awful in the comment box below, and I will pass it on to the writer's of The Idler magazine.
Irrespective of the success or otherwise of any such football clubs, I was more interested in whether or not it was possible to argue that having a football club in a town made it a better or a worse place to live.
A form of investigative journalism if you like!
Now being an avid footy fan I have to say over the years I have visited, (for better and for worse as a priest would say) both some alluring and equally abhorrent places whilst following my team around the UK.
Britain is full of crap towns full stop. Why?
Well look at all the miserable faces you see walking around the streets of your very own town, the overcrowded trains, the filthy walkways, inner-city crime, poverty, the economic climate, the smell, the concrete monstrosities for housing estates, hospital waiting lists, CCTV on every street corner, kids pushing prams, speed humps, cycle lanes, plastic glasses...........
The UK is soiled and full of people with tales of all the various forms of misery their towns have inflicted on their lives.
The UK and its towns are full of 'Rules' and 'Fun is Forbidden.'
A few years ago Hull, the gateway to Europe was considered 'The UK's No.1 Crap Town' but having used the 'net to check if this was still the case I subsequently found out that Luton indeeds currently holds the crown!
Both footballing towns, Hull has been described as 'smelling of death' due to the combination of its own chocolate factory and on days when there is a a south-east wind blowing, the smell of nearby Grimsby adds a fishy staleness to the odour.
Windsor perhaps surprisingly, was voted the second worst place to live this time around.
One voter said: 'The big thing about Windsor is that its townsfolk believe that by living near the castle they are more or less royalty themselves.'
Sunderland was described 'not so much a town, more of a mortuary' and came in third.
Other towns to feature included Croydon where the slang phrase 'Croydon-facelift' derived - hair that is scraped back so tight in a pony tail that it pulls back the wearer's cheekbones.
Morecambe the seaside town that promoted itself as a smaller version of Blackpool has been in a sad decline since the late 1930's.
Why anyone would ever go there is beyond me, unless you were unlucky enough to be born and brought up there!
Hythe, a small town on the south coast is quite possibly the most 'spirit-crushingly tedious town in Kent.' (Quite a feat)
Hythe has been labelled as: 'the place that makes nearby Folkestone look like Las Vegas.'
Other 'crap towns' to make the list that also double up as footballing towns included: Middlesbrough, Nottingham, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Brighton, Stockport, Portsmouth and Peterborough.
It is claimed Portsmouth is one of the most densely populated areas in Europe and is said to have one of the thickest populations.
Stockport is a typical mill town in South Manchester made prosperous by the Industrial Revolution.
However the superseding 'look' for Stockport locals is a shaven head with optional designer label baseball cap/visor, a shellsuit, the legs of which are tucked into a pair of luminous socks accompanied by a pair of kicker-style boots.
Gold plated jewellery in the form of chains, bracelets and earrings are an accepted and necessary part of the 'look.'
Brighton, the home of the nearest beach to London and Tory conferences, trades on a misinformed reputation for coolness!
The town was once described as 'The World's End' despite the council beating on about it being a 'beautiful city by the sea.'
It is neither beautiful nor a City!
Half of it is dirty, noisy & packed with horrible, gobby young fashion victims, mainly students studying 'The life and times of Peter Ward' or 'All things football in London's SE25.'
The rest of Brighton is a grimy Southeast town with council estates, teenage mums and screaming kids.
The guys roam the seafront on a Friday night, looking for someone from the other half to knock ten bells out of.
Now for the results of my investigative journalism.
I could not find any rhyme or reason to link 'crap towns' and 'footballing towns' together. There was no reason to suppose a town hosting a football club was any better or worse off as a result..........but it was fun trying!
If you would like to nominate a town that you consider to be one of the worst places to live in the U.K then post the name of that town and one reason why it is so awful in the comment box below, and I will pass it on to the writer's of The Idler magazine.
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