Crystress Palace F.C

I am on the cusp of re-newing my C.P.F.C season ticket for 2007-08 when I read in the 'South London Press' that in doing so I am committing myself to another season of trauma, anxiety and nervous tension. Why you ask?
Well I will tell you exactly why!
It has been announced that my beloved Crystal Palace are 'officially' the 11th (eleventh) most stressful club to be a supporter of out of the 92 (ninety-two) in the Football League.
Do I need this? Is not life stressful enough? Why am I adding to my already hectic and taxing life........at some financial cost too I might add?
Stress does not come cheap!

Although I had no reason to doubt the accuracy of the report in question, believe me being a Palace fan is a serious rollercoaster of a ride I felt a curiosity, a desire, call it what you will, to investigate this in a little more depth.

Where or how did the statisticians come up with their findings?
Did they go out to Croydon Town Centre one rainy afternoon, hoodwink a group of pensioners in a Supermarket and fire off half a dozen questions at them, to which they responded by saying yes 11 was their lucky number, they lived at number 11, they had 11 grandchildren, shopping was their 11th least favourite chore, and they got on the number 11 bus to come to Croydon in the first place!
All this culminating into making Palace the eleventh most stressful Club to support!
I doubt it. Hardly very scientific, plainly inaccurate, and obviously a distinctly unlikely method of canvassing a straw pole, unless it is for political reasons of course.

Statisticians at Littlewoods Football Pools have compiled a 'Stress League' dossier by analysing the histories - both on and off the pitch, of each of the 92 football league clubs, in order to determine which teams have caused their fans the most stress and anxiety over the last 25 years.

The criteria under which the club-by-club analysis has been conducted was based on initial research amongst football supporters, who were asked to identify which factors caused them anxiety/nervousness when following their team's fortunes.

Among the key 'stress factors' named by fans were:

The 'yo-yo effect', i.e regular movement between divisions/leagues due to promotions and relegations.
Narrowly missing out on promotion and/or relegation.
Failing to win at home.
Losing matches from a winning position.
Losing in play-offs, particularly finals.
Being involved in penalty shoot-outs, and cup ties which go into extra-time
Financial problems at the club, leading to uncertainty over its future and a detrimental effect on team performances.
Changes in club ownership.
Frequent changes of manager.

Enter Crystal Palace Football Club.

Long-standing Palace fans won't like it, but historically Selhurst Park is one of the easiest grounds for visiting teams to get a result. Not winning at home is a sure-fire cause of stress for fans, but then so are relegation fights and play-off finals, and Palace have had their fair share of those in recent times.

In the last 25 years Palace have been promoted to the top flight on four occasions and relegated the same number of times. Two promotions to the Premiership, in 1997 and 2004, both came via the play-offs (after finishing sixth each time). They have also missed out on promotion through the play-offs twice, most recently last season when they lost in the Championship play-off semi-finals.
In 2001, Palace came unbelievably close to relegation to Division Two.

In the FA Cup, Palace have won only five matches in the past 11 seasons. However in 1990 they were only seven minutes away from Cup Final glory before Mark Hughes scored an equaliser to not only salvage his team a replay, but in doing so he also salvaged Alex Ferguson's career at Man.Utd. United went on to win the replay, Ferguson won his first trophy as United boss and as they say in football......the rest is history!
To put the icing on the cake, who can forget 1999 when the club fell into administration under chairman Mark Goldberg.

Doctors are overworked at the best of times, but those in South London must be at breaking point if their surgery's are full of 'Palace Patients' with their clenched buttock cheeks and dodgy tickers, as they wait in line for their all too regular blood pressure tests!

As par for the course I felt it only fair-minded and even-handed to share with my fellow long suffering Palace fans some of the other results of my research.
To begin with Liverpool came out smelling of roses, as the least stressful club to support in the Country, Notts County the most stressful club to support, and are 'bosom buddies,' Brighton, Charlton and Millwall the 34th, 42nd and 45th most stressful respectively.

All said and done I would NOT change my allegiance to my club for the world.
Through their ups and downs they will always make me feel 'Glad All Over.'

My season ticket for next year was bought and paid for shortly after I wrote this article!

'Babe Of The Month' - Vivacious Vicarious Virtuoso Valentine Vixen...................Va Va Voom!

Watch Your Back, Organ Be In For A Big Surprise!

Now it usually takes something quite controversial, irritating or witty for me to get home after yet another dire day at 'The Orifice' and sit down the moment I get through the door, fire up the PC and start writing.

Today is indeed one such day. As I rode home on the 'Cattle Chuffer' from Victoria I began scanning 'The London Paper' for newsworthy articles that didn't include the words Goody, Channel 4, Pete Doherty and Snow.

I was indeed drawn to page 7 and a fine pair of pins in a micro skirt. Below was a rather disturbing headline 'Judge Held For Flashing' and to the left of that a typically demure picture of Wayne Rooney with his gob open and looking pretty vacant......well nothing new there then. Believe me the excitement does not end there as it was suggested that 'The Everton Reject' was a massive fan of, and indeed knew all the words to the songs of the musical 'Oliver.'

So what I hear you holler as you lean towards the 'off button.' Is there indeed a point to all this? Are the three subjects in someway all related?
Well no, not to my knowledge anyway!

But wait.......In the top right hand corner was an inch square article that literally made me think.... you are bloody joking! It was both amusing and unbelievable at the same time. In fact I felt it was well worth sharing with other like minded individuals.

So the story goes that in Argentina a teenage football fan is suing a tattooist who drew a penis on his back instead of his favourite team's badge. Not an easy mistake to make surely, but as it happens the tattoo artist took 'umbrage' at being asked to draw the logo of the Boca Juniors on the teens back because he supported their fiercest rivals River Plate!!!!!!!!!!!!

My immediate forethought was if the tattoo artist is that malevolent, then imagine what he would do to you if he caught you messing with his missus!

'Premiers**t - You're Having a Laugh'

Don't talk to me about the 'magnificent' spectacle of the Premiership! The tremendous ding-dong battle to win the title etc etc.
The Premiership is great for mainly one thing - plenty of revenue in the form of TV money for all the clubs involved and not a lot else!

There's a two horse race at each end of the table, Man U versus Chelski and Watford versus Charlton, and then 16 other mediocre teams battling it out for mid-table respectability.....I think is the well overused media pundits terminology.

Look at the likes of Spurs, Pompey, Everton and Blackburn. All battling it out for what?
A UEFA Cup spot, which is basically an overrated cup tournament for Champions League rejects, teams finishing 5th or worse in the Premiership, along with the domestic cup winners that cold potentially could come from anywhere in the Football League.
I'm sure the opportunity to start the season in July, and the prospect of visiting the respective pastures new of the Champions of such historical football nations as Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Slovenia and Slovakia must be huge!
The lure of a few bob to line the the pockets of the already overpaid players, board and management alike is the only odour I can smell!
Two words springs to mind.......Dull and Greed!

It is self-defeating in it's very nature.
Remember the fans! They are the ones who have to pay for this potential 11 month season.
Jet-setting abroad, hotel accommodation where necessary, match tickets and beer all add up to a more than average priced midweek non-adventure, such as a meal with the opposition, namely her indoors or a trip to the local pub with the lads, equally unpopular with the Missus. (But she knows where you are, and in her eyes at least that beats blowing the family budget on gallivanting around The Balkans).
Not to mention the time taken off from work, whether as holiday or sick.
Do the Clubs care? Is the Pope a Jew?

Dare I say it, but maybe the likes of Pompey and Reading could even step up to the UEFA Cup mark this year.....which would in itself be an incredible and more than likely one-off achievement for both Coppell's and Redknapp's sides this season. But not something their fans will have experienced previously or are likely too again for sometime after.
Pity all the magnificent fans of all the above mentioned clubs, and shame on the clubs themselves for providing such mediocre 'entertainment' for most of the season whatever the final outcome, at extortionate entry prices!

Now drop down a division to the Championship and you can watch a terrific example of weekly unpredictability all season, due to a much more level playing field. High octane passion fuelled local derbies, particularly in The Midlands this season and the possibility of about 4 or 5 teams fighting it out for automatic promotion and a further 6 or more in with a chance of making the play-offs. At the wrong end their are probably still any of 6 or 7 sides that might drop down a division. All this will undoubtedly still be unfolding come mid-April.
That's what I would endeavour to call entertainment, fierce competition, and value for money.... all season round.

A couple of months ago Brucie was a goner, now he's Singing the Blues.
Cardiff under Dave Jones got off to a magnificent start, now they are rocking badly, Preston are up there again despite a change in stewardship, and Southampton look really dangerous.
WBA, Wolves and Palace were all expected to make the top 6 if not automatic promotion pre-season, but all are finding the going tough!
There may be no Gerrard, Lampard, Rooney, Ronaldo, or Henry in the Championship but there are some quality players on view including the likes of Upson and McShefferey at Birmingham, Nugent at Preston, Vine at Luton, Rasiak and Bale at Southampton, Halford at Colchester and Eastwood at Southend to name but a few, along with some excellent coaches and managers doing the rounds.
Look at Burley at Southampton, Mowbray at WBA, Laws at Wednesday, Davies at Derby, Pullis at Stoke and of course Williams at Colchester.

A Championship XI to match much of the Premiership mediocrity:
Hoult/Upson/Halford/Alexander/Bale/McShefferey/Cook/Skachel/Vine/Nugent/Eastwood, and there are many more good enough to make up a squad.

All good news for fans' of Championship Clubs.

'Cards on the Table' - The Champs and The Chumps come the end of the 2006/07 season. My Predictions and the Odds!

Dangerous times to make predictions as the transfer window opens, but sometimes financially it can work to your advantage.
Any team currently doing reasonably well could with a few shrewd signings increase they're chances of glory, BUT their odds decrease. Likewise if you fancy a team to fail then back them before they offload any of their stars to get the BEST price. The 3rd Round of the FA Cup begins this weekend, and there are some cracking ties including these possible upsets as Norwich have to go to Tamworth, Brighton to West Ham, Oldham visit Wolves, Charlton go to Forest, whilst Birmingham host Newcastle.
Get in their early my son might not be an unreasonable way to word it!

This Weekend:- Lay Norwich 8/15, Lay West Ham 4/9 , Lay Wolves 10/11 , Back Forest 7/4, Back Birmingham 15/8.


My Season Predictions with odds courtesy of Betfair as at 5th Jan 2007:-


Premiership Champions - Chelsea 5/7.

Top 4 Finish - Man U 1/100, Liverpool 1/3, Arsenal 1/5.

Top 6 Finish - Portsmouth 11/4, Bolton 4/7.

Premiership Relegation - Watford 1/14, West Ham 7/4, Wigan 4/1.

Championship Winners - Southampton 9/1.

Promotion - Derby 11/4 and Birmingham 4/9.

Champions League Winners/Finalists - Lyon 9/1 Outright Winners, Lyon 7/2 Finalists.

UEFA Cup Winners - Werder Bremen 6/1.

FA Cup Winners - Tottenham 16/1, Outside Sniff Pompey 37/1.


Happy Punting!

'Babe of the Month' - New Year Bunny!

'Fill Your Boots' - Bet of the Week and Why?

The outstanding bet of the week lies firmly at Craven Cottage this coming Monday night, in a real 'Clash of the Titans' meeting as Fulham play host to Middlesbrough.
It's live on Sky for those who have finished knitting their winter cardigans or just enjoy the live entertainment of watching grown men running around on a cold winter's evening in short-sleeved shirts wearing gloves and quite likely tights. Mind you for twenty grand a week..........I'd do it stark bo**ock naked!

Back to reality and this match looks like a nailed on 'bore draw.' Both teams are struggling, Fulham have scored only seven times in nine games at home and 'Boro only six times in eight games on the road. To add to Fulham's woes they have a seriously long injury list which includes the likes of Boa Morte, Bouba Diop, Pearce, Elliott and long term casualty Jimmy Bullard.
'Boro on the other hand have used more players this season in the Premiership than any other club - 24 in total, so maybe squad rotation is not always the best policy.
A meagre haul of seventeen points from seventeen games, leaving the Teesiders languishing in seventeenth place in the Premiership would seem to confirm this.
Injuries and suspensions I realise do dictate such circumstances but it is a poor return whichever way you try to dress it up.

Returning to the nitty gritty and the draw is generally available at around 11/5. Predictably skinny but the real appeal is in the 8/1 available if you shop around on the match finishing goalless.
Happy punting!

'Babe of the Month' - A Christmas Cracker!

'Quote Of The Week' - Chris Rattue of The New Zealand Herald.

I more often than not dig out my 'quotes of the week' from the garbled nonsense extracted from the mouths of the arrogant, overpaid, tantrum prone, intellectual geniuses that grace 'The Beautiful Game.'
However I had to change allegiances this week, so as to accommodate a cracking quote made by a flamboyant New Zealand rugby journalist (in a NZ newspaper), as he injected some further hostility into this Saturday's 'friendly' international at the Millennium Stadium, where a recently rejuvenated Wales play host to the All Blacks.
As if the fire needed to be stoked any further when only 24 hours before this was printed the Kiwis were accused by fellow Welsh players, both past and present of being the best 'cheats' in the world.

Inhabitants of Southern Hemisphere countries truly believe they were put on this planet to play sport and as a result have a divine right to be considered the best. Without a doubt in some fields they may well be........but don't they go on and on and on about the fact!

I refuse to talk sport with a Wallaby, Kiwi or a Bok in any social environment.....particularly on their territory, like at BBq's in Earl's Court!
BBq's are a definite no no, as they were created by the Aussies naturally!
I also avoid surroundings where copious amounts of wine and beer are likely to be consumed, because the Southern Hemisphere make the best vino and the best lager in the whole wide world, and they can also drink more and drink faster than their British or Irish counterparts......naturally of course.
Enough said:

I hope the outspoken columnist in the New Zealand Herald who mocked Gareth Jenkins’s home side does not end up eating his words!
It reminds me of when I was a lot younger. I'd play poker in a dingy late night bar with pals and a bottle of tequila for company.
You start off cocky and flush and you end up losing and skint.
Then as a forefit you have to drink the last shot in the tequila bottle, yes the one with the worm in it........of course.


According to Chris Rattue of The New Zealand Herald, Wales are not worthy rivals, they are an incompetent laughing stock.

He said:

"If rugby between New Zealand and Wales was a boxing contest, they would have stopped it many rounds ago and revoked the Welsh licence. I hear the cry that now and then Wales get close. Real close. Real, real close. Real, real, real close. And you know what? They still lose.
Let’s face it, Wales are rubbish. They are the village idiots of world rugby. They had a brilliant team 30 years ago. Since then, they have totally stuffed it up and they will stuff it up again this weekend."

I only wish Ireland at Lansdowne Road lay in wait for the Kiwis this weekend.
That would have been the mother of all matches judging by the comprehensive Irish victories over the Springboks and the Wallabies in recent weeks.
Roll on next year's World Cup!

'Why King Really Went Ape'

During the week just gone a pal of mine forwarded onto me an email he received from a work colleague, who was aware I had recently set up a Blog site that was footy orientated.
My pal is a longtime friend, and a big sports fan who earns his crust doing computer aided drawings. The sound, honest, reliable type. The sort you would happily introduce to the in-laws.
He knows who he is and now Gavin has got himself a mention, I shall hopefully get some peace for the foreseeable future!
Anyway his work colleague for the purposes of this posting I shall refer to as Andy. I have never met Andy or even spoken to him. As a result before reading the subject matter I was naturally open minded and I had no pre-conceptions on the material or its origin.
After initially reading it I thought just another footy fan jumping on the anti-Chelsea FC bandwagon.
As the week went by I kept going over it in my mind and finally decided it was worth publishing and deserved some feedback.
The content of the email is very controversial, perhaps overly, maybe even untrue, but what the hell.......... it is without a doubt definitely worth a read!


Andy wrote:
Apparently on the Internet message boards it is alleged that John Terry told Ledley King to 'Shut up you lippy black monkey' before getting sent off on Sunday. This would explain the following:

WHY King went mad, when normally he is mild tempered and the incident appeared harmless,
WHY Chimbonda went berserk and had to be physically restrained. WHY Zakora went mad too, and WHY Drogba, who was there and always gets involved, did nothing.
It may also explain WHY Terry calmly walked away seemingly
expecting to be sent off, for what appeared on TV to be nothing of consequence.

Terry was accused by Eto of making racist comments in the Barcelona game
last year.
Apparently a Spurs player has leaked this, but Chelsea are working overtime to keep it quiet.
Ashley Cole has said that Poll told him the lack of discipline by Chelsea was out of order and Chelsea are trying to discredit Poll, but he cannot possibly come out and say what Terry really said.
He is after all the England captain!
Instead Poll preferred to say he sent Terry off for 'ungentlemanly conduct'.

Finally, Rio Ferdinand said in his recent book that a current England player was a known racist. Wonder who he meant?

If this story is true, it will be massive and I can't believe the press haven't got hold of it yet. Chelsea must be weighing journalists out left, right and centre.


Have you heard this particular race row before? If so, where did you hear it ?
Is there any truth in it, or is it simply idle pub gossip?
Do you have any thoughts or opinions you would like to share on this potentially explosive issue?
If so, then kindly post your comment below.