The Unwritten Laws of Football

In addition to the official laws of the game, there are also the unwritten laws.................!

* No matter how badly a player played for a club, and irrespective of how woeful he was in front of goal, once the player leaves and returns to play against his old club, he will score against them.

* Once a manager has been sacked (right), the managerless team will win their next match.

* A manager returning to a club for a second spell will almost inevitably fail repeat the success enjoyed during his first spell at the club.

* The winning run of a team will come to an end when their manager is awarded the 'Manager of the Month' award.

* Following the sacking of a manager, a team will suddenly pick up and record victories under a caretaker manager. In turn this will prompt the Board of Directors to appoint him on a permanent basis, from which point on the team will start on a downward spiral again.

* A team that couldn't put a win together to save their lives will, once relegated start to turn things around, and win games.

* Any World Cup or European Championship group that contains three decent teams will be referred to as 'The Group of Death' (right).

* When your team is embroiled in a battle for promotion or against relegation, you will take an inordinate amount of interest in the exploits of other clubs that previously held no interest for you at all.

* No matter how bad the traffic is, there is no such thing as a long and tiresome journey home following an away win.

* The national football team of Wales has been adopted as the benchmark unit of measure for all other international football teams, as in, "We're talking of a country about the size of Wales," or "They do remarkably well for a country with a population on a par to that of Wales" (see right).

* A goal will never come about directly as a result of a short corner.

* Supporters will cheer and get excited when their team wins a corner, but invariably nothing will come of it.

* Your team are on a fine run and playing really well. As a die hard supporter you invite a 'fairweather fan' to accompany you to the next home game. Your team will play dreadfully and lose, prompting the fairweather fan to say something along the lines of: "It's been two years since I've been here and it'll be another two years before I come back."

* Every team will contain one player the supporters don't like.

* A game at Manchester United is a good day out, even though you know your team will probably not win, or be awarded at least one 'stone wall' penalty (right).

* There will always be at least one TV commentator who will refer to the Community Shield as the 'traditional curtain raiser to the season.'

* Everyone becomes a better player once they have given up playing.