Friday, December 07, 2007

'Capped & Crap' - The All-Time Worst England Team.

Since the recent debacle of the national team in failing to qualify for the European Championship Finals of 2008, I felt it only right and topical to put together my 'all-time worst' team to don an England shirt.

These players are by no means the only 'time wasters' who should never have been selected to play for England, but in my opinion they remain the most 'inept' examples.
However I understand that every football fan will have their own thoughts and views on the subject, so I would therefore encourage you to leave me a comment if you feel I have chosen a player who in your opinion does not deserve to be included, or quite the reverse, if you feel I have left out a player who should most definitely be a candidate for England's 'all-time worst' XI.

This topic took up a fair bit of time in terms of research and deliberation.
Surprisingly however I have not included any of the squad from the infamous 3-2 defeat to Croatia on the 21st November 2007.
This says a lot about either my delusional state of mind in thinking that the current crop of players have at least the potential to succeed, or just how bad the players I have chosen really were!

All the players chosen are from our era, as I did not think it was fair to deride players that you or I have never seen.

Even at their peak this 'incompetent' bunch would have struggled to win a Sunday pub league.

Dave Beasant

David Bardsley...Zat Knight...Steve Foster...Paul Konchesky

Michael Phealan...Barry Venison...Andy Gray...David White

Peter Ward.........Michael Ricketts

Dave Beasant - 2 Caps, v. Italy in 1989 in a friendly & v. Yugoslavia in 1989 also in a friendly (both as a substitute). At the time he was playing club football for Chelsea.
David Bardsley - 2 Caps, v. Spain (as a substitute in 1992) in a friendly & v. Poland in 1993 in a World Cup qualifier. At the time he was playing club football for QPR.
Zat Knight - 2 Caps, v. USA (as a substitute in 2005) in a friendly & v. Columbia in 2005 also in a friendly. At the time he was playing club football for Fulham.
Steve Foster - 3 Caps, v. N.Ireland in the Home Championships, v. Holland in a friendly & v. Kuwait in the World Cup Finals, all in 1982. At the time he was playing club football for Brighton & Hove Albion.
Paul Konchesky - 2 Caps, v. Australia in 2003 in a friendly & v. Argentina in 2005 in a friendly (both as a substitute). Against Australia he was playing his club football for Charlton Athletic & against Argentina he was playing his club football for West Ham.
Michael Phealan - 1 cap, v. Italy (as a substitute in 1989) in a friendly. At the time he was playing club football for Man Utd.
Barry Venison - 2 Caps, v. USA in 1994 in a friendly & v. Uruguay in 1995 in a friendly. At the time he was playing club football for Newcastle Utd.
Andy Gray - 1 Cap, v. Poland in 1991 in a European Championship qualifier. At the time he was playing club football for Crystal Palace.
David White - 1 Cap, v. Spain in 1992 in a friendly. At the time he was playing club football for Man City.
Peter Ward - 1 Cap, v. Australia (as a substitute in 1980) in a friendly. At the time he was playing club football for Brighton & Hove Albion.
Michael Ricketts - 1 Cap, v. Holland in 2002 in a friendly. At the time he was playing club football for Bolton Wanderers.

Between 1980 & 2005 these players amassed a total of 18 Caps, (8 of these as substitute appearances), all bar 4 of these caps were won for appearances in friendly internationals, & they combined to score a total of 0 goals.

Why did the England managers at the time select these players?

Beasant was nervy & error prone, Bardsley was nondescript, Zat Knight was over-rated, Steve Foster was both cumbersome & slow, & compounded his lack of ability by wearing that preposterous headband. Paul Konchesky made two appearances both in friendlies, both times as a substitute, with nearly three years elapsing between his debut and his only other appearance. Michael Phealan looked a half-decent player at Norwich but became a laughing stock at Old Trafford, Barry Venison with his long flowing peroxide hair looked more like 80's pop star Limahl out of Kajagoogoo than a footballer, Andy Gray was selected on the basis of getting to the 1990 FA Cup Final & David White was never ever a player of international class. Peter Ward was picked because....he was a 'style icon' with his permed hair & Michael Ricketts was selected on the back of a scoring streak at Bolton that ended when he earned his only cap and became an 'international.'


Anonymous said...

I would like to know who uneducated person is that writes this pathetic rubbish.I could go through each player this idiot writes about but will pick on David Bardsley,early 1991 to 1997 he was without doubt the best full back in the Premier League.looking at the poor players like Nevil , Dixon ,amongst other players who could not pass water if they tried.How unlucky was he to get his first cap V Spain but rupture his Ankle Ligaments 10 minutes later. Then in his return game V Poland he was the best player on the field according to Glenn Hoddle and Trevor Brooking , Decisions of poor Managers like Taylor then Venables cost Bardsley many more Caps as a player. Untouched as a crosses of the Ball until David Beckam came along.Ask Les Ferdinand who scored 23 times of Bardsley's crosses in 1 season.I have read Ryan Giggs Book and Lee Sharp who both made the comment he was the hardest full back they had played against.I think Bardsley now is Academy Director at Ajax.

Anonymous said...

This sounds like Bardsley himself, too detailed to not be. How objective can a player be about himself, he can't. As I hear it there is no longer an Academy Director at Ajax.

CFU fan