Watch Your Back, Organ Be In For A Big Surprise!

Now it usually takes something quite controversial, irritating or witty for me to get home after yet another dire day at 'The Orifice' and sit down the moment I get through the door, fire up the PC and start writing.

Today is indeed one such day. As I rode home on the 'Cattle Chuffer' from Victoria I began scanning 'The London Paper' for newsworthy articles that didn't include the words Goody, Channel 4, Pete Doherty and Snow.

I was indeed drawn to page 7 and a fine pair of pins in a micro skirt. Below was a rather disturbing headline 'Judge Held For Flashing' and to the left of that a typically demure picture of Wayne Rooney with his gob open and looking pretty vacant......well nothing new there then. Believe me the excitement does not end there as it was suggested that 'The Everton Reject' was a massive fan of, and indeed knew all the words to the songs of the musical 'Oliver.'

So what I hear you holler as you lean towards the 'off button.' Is there indeed a point to all this? Are the three subjects in someway all related?
Well no, not to my knowledge anyway!

But wait.......In the top right hand corner was an inch square article that literally made me think.... you are bloody joking! It was both amusing and unbelievable at the same time. In fact I felt it was well worth sharing with other like minded individuals.

So the story goes that in Argentina a teenage football fan is suing a tattooist who drew a penis on his back instead of his favourite team's badge. Not an easy mistake to make surely, but as it happens the tattoo artist took 'umbrage' at being asked to draw the logo of the Boca Juniors on the teens back because he supported their fiercest rivals River Plate!!!!!!!!!!!!

My immediate forethought was if the tattoo artist is that malevolent, then imagine what he would do to you if he caught you messing with his missus!

'Premiers**t - You're Having a Laugh'

Don't talk to me about the 'magnificent' spectacle of the Premiership! The tremendous ding-dong battle to win the title etc etc.
The Premiership is great for mainly one thing - plenty of revenue in the form of TV money for all the clubs involved and not a lot else!

There's a two horse race at each end of the table, Man U versus Chelski and Watford versus Charlton, and then 16 other mediocre teams battling it out for mid-table respectability.....I think is the well overused media pundits terminology.

Look at the likes of Spurs, Pompey, Everton and Blackburn. All battling it out for what?
A UEFA Cup spot, which is basically an overrated cup tournament for Champions League rejects, teams finishing 5th or worse in the Premiership, along with the domestic cup winners that cold potentially could come from anywhere in the Football League.
I'm sure the opportunity to start the season in July, and the prospect of visiting the respective pastures new of the Champions of such historical football nations as Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Slovenia and Slovakia must be huge!
The lure of a few bob to line the the pockets of the already overpaid players, board and management alike is the only odour I can smell!
Two words springs to mind.......Dull and Greed!

It is self-defeating in it's very nature.
Remember the fans! They are the ones who have to pay for this potential 11 month season.
Jet-setting abroad, hotel accommodation where necessary, match tickets and beer all add up to a more than average priced midweek non-adventure, such as a meal with the opposition, namely her indoors or a trip to the local pub with the lads, equally unpopular with the Missus. (But she knows where you are, and in her eyes at least that beats blowing the family budget on gallivanting around The Balkans).
Not to mention the time taken off from work, whether as holiday or sick.
Do the Clubs care? Is the Pope a Jew?

Dare I say it, but maybe the likes of Pompey and Reading could even step up to the UEFA Cup mark this year.....which would in itself be an incredible and more than likely one-off achievement for both Coppell's and Redknapp's sides this season. But not something their fans will have experienced previously or are likely too again for sometime after.
Pity all the magnificent fans of all the above mentioned clubs, and shame on the clubs themselves for providing such mediocre 'entertainment' for most of the season whatever the final outcome, at extortionate entry prices!

Now drop down a division to the Championship and you can watch a terrific example of weekly unpredictability all season, due to a much more level playing field. High octane passion fuelled local derbies, particularly in The Midlands this season and the possibility of about 4 or 5 teams fighting it out for automatic promotion and a further 6 or more in with a chance of making the play-offs. At the wrong end their are probably still any of 6 or 7 sides that might drop down a division. All this will undoubtedly still be unfolding come mid-April.
That's what I would endeavour to call entertainment, fierce competition, and value for money.... all season round.

A couple of months ago Brucie was a goner, now he's Singing the Blues.
Cardiff under Dave Jones got off to a magnificent start, now they are rocking badly, Preston are up there again despite a change in stewardship, and Southampton look really dangerous.
WBA, Wolves and Palace were all expected to make the top 6 if not automatic promotion pre-season, but all are finding the going tough!
There may be no Gerrard, Lampard, Rooney, Ronaldo, or Henry in the Championship but there are some quality players on view including the likes of Upson and McShefferey at Birmingham, Nugent at Preston, Vine at Luton, Rasiak and Bale at Southampton, Halford at Colchester and Eastwood at Southend to name but a few, along with some excellent coaches and managers doing the rounds.
Look at Burley at Southampton, Mowbray at WBA, Laws at Wednesday, Davies at Derby, Pullis at Stoke and of course Williams at Colchester.

A Championship XI to match much of the Premiership mediocrity:
Hoult/Upson/Halford/Alexander/Bale/McShefferey/Cook/Skachel/Vine/Nugent/Eastwood, and there are many more good enough to make up a squad.

All good news for fans' of Championship Clubs.

'Cards on the Table' - The Champs and The Chumps come the end of the 2006/07 season. My Predictions and the Odds!

Dangerous times to make predictions as the transfer window opens, but sometimes financially it can work to your advantage.
Any team currently doing reasonably well could with a few shrewd signings increase they're chances of glory, BUT their odds decrease. Likewise if you fancy a team to fail then back them before they offload any of their stars to get the BEST price. The 3rd Round of the FA Cup begins this weekend, and there are some cracking ties including these possible upsets as Norwich have to go to Tamworth, Brighton to West Ham, Oldham visit Wolves, Charlton go to Forest, whilst Birmingham host Newcastle.
Get in their early my son might not be an unreasonable way to word it!

This Weekend:- Lay Norwich 8/15, Lay West Ham 4/9 , Lay Wolves 10/11 , Back Forest 7/4, Back Birmingham 15/8.


My Season Predictions with odds courtesy of Betfair as at 5th Jan 2007:-


Premiership Champions - Chelsea 5/7.

Top 4 Finish - Man U 1/100, Liverpool 1/3, Arsenal 1/5.

Top 6 Finish - Portsmouth 11/4, Bolton 4/7.

Premiership Relegation - Watford 1/14, West Ham 7/4, Wigan 4/1.

Championship Winners - Southampton 9/1.

Promotion - Derby 11/4 and Birmingham 4/9.

Champions League Winners/Finalists - Lyon 9/1 Outright Winners, Lyon 7/2 Finalists.

UEFA Cup Winners - Werder Bremen 6/1.

FA Cup Winners - Tottenham 16/1, Outside Sniff Pompey 37/1.


Happy Punting!

'Babe of the Month' - New Year Bunny!

'Fill Your Boots' - Bet of the Week and Why?

The outstanding bet of the week lies firmly at Craven Cottage this coming Monday night, in a real 'Clash of the Titans' meeting as Fulham play host to Middlesbrough.
It's live on Sky for those who have finished knitting their winter cardigans or just enjoy the live entertainment of watching grown men running around on a cold winter's evening in short-sleeved shirts wearing gloves and quite likely tights. Mind you for twenty grand a week..........I'd do it stark bo**ock naked!

Back to reality and this match looks like a nailed on 'bore draw.' Both teams are struggling, Fulham have scored only seven times in nine games at home and 'Boro only six times in eight games on the road. To add to Fulham's woes they have a seriously long injury list which includes the likes of Boa Morte, Bouba Diop, Pearce, Elliott and long term casualty Jimmy Bullard.
'Boro on the other hand have used more players this season in the Premiership than any other club - 24 in total, so maybe squad rotation is not always the best policy.
A meagre haul of seventeen points from seventeen games, leaving the Teesiders languishing in seventeenth place in the Premiership would seem to confirm this.
Injuries and suspensions I realise do dictate such circumstances but it is a poor return whichever way you try to dress it up.

Returning to the nitty gritty and the draw is generally available at around 11/5. Predictably skinny but the real appeal is in the 8/1 available if you shop around on the match finishing goalless.
Happy punting!

'Babe of the Month' - A Christmas Cracker!

'Quote Of The Week' - Chris Rattue of The New Zealand Herald.

I more often than not dig out my 'quotes of the week' from the garbled nonsense extracted from the mouths of the arrogant, overpaid, tantrum prone, intellectual geniuses that grace 'The Beautiful Game.'
However I had to change allegiances this week, so as to accommodate a cracking quote made by a flamboyant New Zealand rugby journalist (in a NZ newspaper), as he injected some further hostility into this Saturday's 'friendly' international at the Millennium Stadium, where a recently rejuvenated Wales play host to the All Blacks.
As if the fire needed to be stoked any further when only 24 hours before this was printed the Kiwis were accused by fellow Welsh players, both past and present of being the best 'cheats' in the world.

Inhabitants of Southern Hemisphere countries truly believe they were put on this planet to play sport and as a result have a divine right to be considered the best. Without a doubt in some fields they may well be........but don't they go on and on and on about the fact!

I refuse to talk sport with a Wallaby, Kiwi or a Bok in any social environment.....particularly on their territory, like at BBq's in Earl's Court!
BBq's are a definite no no, as they were created by the Aussies naturally!
I also avoid surroundings where copious amounts of wine and beer are likely to be consumed, because the Southern Hemisphere make the best vino and the best lager in the whole wide world, and they can also drink more and drink faster than their British or Irish counterparts......naturally of course.
Enough said:

I hope the outspoken columnist in the New Zealand Herald who mocked Gareth Jenkins’s home side does not end up eating his words!
It reminds me of when I was a lot younger. I'd play poker in a dingy late night bar with pals and a bottle of tequila for company.
You start off cocky and flush and you end up losing and skint.
Then as a forefit you have to drink the last shot in the tequila bottle, yes the one with the worm in it........of course.


According to Chris Rattue of The New Zealand Herald, Wales are not worthy rivals, they are an incompetent laughing stock.

He said:

"If rugby between New Zealand and Wales was a boxing contest, they would have stopped it many rounds ago and revoked the Welsh licence. I hear the cry that now and then Wales get close. Real close. Real, real close. Real, real, real close. And you know what? They still lose.
Let’s face it, Wales are rubbish. They are the village idiots of world rugby. They had a brilliant team 30 years ago. Since then, they have totally stuffed it up and they will stuff it up again this weekend."

I only wish Ireland at Lansdowne Road lay in wait for the Kiwis this weekend.
That would have been the mother of all matches judging by the comprehensive Irish victories over the Springboks and the Wallabies in recent weeks.
Roll on next year's World Cup!

'Why King Really Went Ape'

During the week just gone a pal of mine forwarded onto me an email he received from a work colleague, who was aware I had recently set up a Blog site that was footy orientated.
My pal is a longtime friend, and a big sports fan who earns his crust doing computer aided drawings. The sound, honest, reliable type. The sort you would happily introduce to the in-laws.
He knows who he is and now Gavin has got himself a mention, I shall hopefully get some peace for the foreseeable future!
Anyway his work colleague for the purposes of this posting I shall refer to as Andy. I have never met Andy or even spoken to him. As a result before reading the subject matter I was naturally open minded and I had no pre-conceptions on the material or its origin.
After initially reading it I thought just another footy fan jumping on the anti-Chelsea FC bandwagon.
As the week went by I kept going over it in my mind and finally decided it was worth publishing and deserved some feedback.
The content of the email is very controversial, perhaps overly, maybe even untrue, but what the hell.......... it is without a doubt definitely worth a read!


Andy wrote:
Apparently on the Internet message boards it is alleged that John Terry told Ledley King to 'Shut up you lippy black monkey' before getting sent off on Sunday. This would explain the following:

WHY King went mad, when normally he is mild tempered and the incident appeared harmless,
WHY Chimbonda went berserk and had to be physically restrained. WHY Zakora went mad too, and WHY Drogba, who was there and always gets involved, did nothing.
It may also explain WHY Terry calmly walked away seemingly
expecting to be sent off, for what appeared on TV to be nothing of consequence.

Terry was accused by Eto of making racist comments in the Barcelona game
last year.
Apparently a Spurs player has leaked this, but Chelsea are working overtime to keep it quiet.
Ashley Cole has said that Poll told him the lack of discipline by Chelsea was out of order and Chelsea are trying to discredit Poll, but he cannot possibly come out and say what Terry really said.
He is after all the England captain!
Instead Poll preferred to say he sent Terry off for 'ungentlemanly conduct'.

Finally, Rio Ferdinand said in his recent book that a current England player was a known racist. Wonder who he meant?

If this story is true, it will be massive and I can't believe the press haven't got hold of it yet. Chelsea must be weighing journalists out left, right and centre.


Have you heard this particular race row before? If so, where did you hear it ?
Is there any truth in it, or is it simply idle pub gossip?
Do you have any thoughts or opinions you would like to share on this potentially explosive issue?
If so, then kindly post your comment below.

'Quote of the Week' - Steve Bruce

Following Brum's Carling Cup exit at the hands of Liverpool this week, Steve Bruce was shooting his mouth off in true managerial 'chic' fashion, in an attempt to acknowledge that referees were taking the physical contact out of the game by blowing up for fouls involving minimal contact.

Brucie said: ''If we're not careful we'll end up playing in high heels and skirts and playing netball.''

What he does behind closed doors is his own business so at the bottom of the page I've left his wife's telephone number in case you want to make it your business!!!

Fair comment I hear you cry, in respect of his remark about referees, but remember Brucie was in his playing days, how can I put it........well technically speaking of course ' a dirty meat head of a centre-half for Man U,' and by simply wearing the red of Manchester he was a protected species and immune from punishment. He of course played with passion and tackled with studs up!
However, I as much as anyone find it frustrating when at a game you see players going to ground all too easily. But on the other hand I don't want to see players on the end of a Joey Barton elbow, a Roy Keane meets Alf Inge Haaland knee-capping or a Zidanne head-butt.

There lies the problem and the answer. You know it, I know it, all fans of the game are aware of it. In a word 'Consistency.'
Easier said than done I know, but thank you Stevie anyway for pointing it out to us with such technological and scientific etiquette. No need for me to sleep with the light on anymore then!

'Lad of the Week' - Freddy Star!

Lifelong Manchester United fan and Romany traveller Freddy Eastwood (right) poured Carling Cup misery on Alex Ferguson's squad of multi-millionaires at Roots Hall on Tuesday night.
Eastwood, a former second-hand car salesman struck a stunning 30 yard free-kick to help book Southend United a place in the fifth round draw on Saturday, where the likes of Arsenal, Chelsea and Newcastle await.

To be fair to the 'Sweaty Sock' (Ferguson) who was celebrating 20 years in charge of the 'Red Devils' he appeared gracious in defeat, something one or two of his fellow Premiership managers would do well to take on board.

Nevertheless Essex celebrate, the holders are out, the romance of the cup continues to throw up the unexpected, heroes are born and for those who were there to witness the victory, well........ they deservedly have a night to remember forever.
Hats off to Freddy and the Dreamers.