The Worst Gifts a Man could buy a Woman for Christmas!

It’s that time of year again, when thoughts turn to Christmas and that annual dilemma of what to buy friends and family.

Buying Christmas presents for your partner however, can prove even more of a minefield, especially if you are the kind of man that finds gift buying an ordeal.

This is the time of year when many husbands and boyfriends break out in cold sweats trying to figure out just the right gift to give their wives and girlfriends, so they won’t end up in the doghouse!

First of all start by making a a list of all the things you’ve been thinking of getting her. When you are through, light the list on fire and toss it into the fireplace. Make sure the flue is open!

Think harder and make another list. Spend some time on it. More time than say, the half-time break during a televised football match.

Ok, now look over the list and mark out anything that:
(a) requires an extension cord, (b) you’d enjoy using as much or more than she would, (c) can only be purchased in a hardware store or petrol station, or (d) in any way implies that you don’t like her body, her hair, or her mother. If there’s anything left on the list, mark it out too.

Good, now we’re getting somewhere! This time, make a list of what your partner enjoys doing in her spare time, when she’s not working, raising the kids, doing chores or returning the gifts you got her for her birthday. Add as many things as you can; try to get the list up to at least two items.

When choosing a gift for your wife consider how she will interpret the meaning behind your gift. If in doubt, ask one of her friends or don’t run the risk.

What men don’t understand about gift buying for their wife is........women see the creativity, effort and gift itself as a direct reflection of how much her partner loves her. Men see a gift as a gift! Whether you think it makes sense or not, in general, there is a lot riding on your gift choice – so if you are not planning on taking up residence in the dog house take your gift buying seriously!


Plastic Surgery Voucher: 

A sure-fire death sentence. Nothing says 'unconditional love' like a gift certificate for a tummy tuck! Rule number one: It's okay for women to say they're not happy with their appearance. It's NEVER okay for you to agree. This voucher is a one-way ticket to D.I.V.O.R.C.E.


Cosmetics:

There’s no bigger slap in the face than telling your girl she needs to slap a little something on her face. Face it guys, you don’t know anything about make-up anyway, so stay away from something that’s almost a guaranteed failure, not to mention relationship breaker.


A Stripper Pole: 

Just because your partner has taken up an exercise class to get into shape, do not assume she will appreciate a pole under the tree!

I know you’re just dying to see your lady’s new-found talents, but installing one of these in your house will only ensure your disappointment when you realize she sucks. Plus she will have all the ammo she needs to start accusing you of going to strip clubs all the time and not being happy with the 'real' woman in your life.


Festive Leggings:

The describer 'one size fits all' on these leggings is your first clue. Banish all thought of sexy snow-bunnies in Alpine ski lodges - these beasts are guaranteed to look terrible on everyone.


Underwear: (Particularly Smart Ass thongs, Sexy Santa lingerie or Shaping underwear)

A line of novelty thong underwear emblazoned with 'hilarious' messages like
'gold digger,' 'control freak,' and 'desperate housewife'............because nothing says "I love you deeply" like personalized panties.


As for Sexy Santa lingerie - stop, take a long hard look at yourself and think is that on her Christmas wish list, or yours.........? And really, do you want to be reminded of a fat guy with a beard when you look at your girlfriend?

When it comes to Shaping Underwear, anything that suggests that the recipient is anything less than perfect will go down worse than Frankie Boyle at a kid's Christmas party.


Promise Ring:

Maybe you’ve been together for a while and really want to get her something special this year. Sure, you may promise to love her for as far as you can see into the future, but if you’re not planning on proposing to this girl by spring time, you’re sending the wrong message. You give her a promise ring and she’ll have a caterer booked and baby names written down before Boxing Day.


Gym Membership/Exercise Equipment/Workout DVD: 

Tread carefully! Women are always talking about how they want to lose weight, but if you buy them anything that will help them out, they will blow a gasket.
They want to lose weight, but they don’t want you to tell them they need to!


Facial Hair Remover:

These things, hilarious as they may be, are all the rage right now among women. They apparently do work for all sorts of things, but women don’t generally react well to guys suggesting they use them. You may think you’re being clever in getting her a useful tool to use in her never ending quest for beauty, but she’ll think you’re telling her she has a moustache and a unibrow.


Small Appliances:

Never give a woman for Christmas any household appliance that you think will make her life easier. If a woman needs (or even just wants) a new blender, vacuum cleaner, toaster or microwave, they'll go out and buy it for themselves. Appliances just send the wrong message.

For me, it congers up images of the 1950's housewife who wishes to please her man by keeping the house clean and has dinner waiting on the table when he walks through the door.


Divorce:

Yes it's true people do it and yes I think it is cruel and psychopathic to do so.
If you are going to end the marriage, don't ruin Christmas and scar her for the rest of her life by handing her a set of divorce papers. Get it over with at least a month before or after Christmas. At least then she can buy her own Christmas present.



The clock is ticking and Christmas will be here before you know it. Now that you know a few of the things you should not purchase, how do you know what would be a great gift?

Be a good understudy to your partner. Listen carefully to what she says. Pay attention to the things she enjoys and the way she spends her time. Does she enjoy weekend breaks, being pampered, reading a good book, going to the movies, eating out or crazy outdoor activities like extreme sports?

You might even try asking her to give you a list of things she would like for Christmas.
(Note: wives/girlfriends/partners, if your other half asks you to make a list of things you would like for Christmas, please do it. Don’t respond with, "If you don’t know what to buy me for Christmas, I am certainly not going to tell you.").

Guys, with a little investigative work you can uncover some helpful hints that will guide you in your gift buying. There are many things that your wife/girlfriend/partner would probably enjoy, but she would never purchase it for herself.

If all else fails and you are still at a loss it isn’t against the rules to ask her to accompany you on a shopping spree, to find the perfect gift.

Good luck guys!