Friday, December 27, 2013

All the latest transfer gossip across Europe!

Here is a round up of all the latest transfer gossip across Europe today!

Is your club involved?

Manchester United, Borussia Dortmund, Arsenal, Liverpool, Barcelona, Juventus, Real Madrid, Bayern Munich, Chelsea, Monaco, PSG, Brighton, Hull City, Sunderland, Napoli, Inter Milan, AC Milan, Benfica, Crystal Palace, Atlético Madrid, Everton, Manchester City, Arsenal, Lyon, Tottenham, Schalke, Roma, Fulham, West Ham, Al Ain, Stoke City, Morecambe, Kuban Krasnodar and Bastia..............are all caught up in the latest transfer news/rumours across Europe, as we speak.

Manchester United have been told by Borussia Dortmund that they will have to pay up to £40m to sign 24 year-old Germany midfielder Marco Reus - Daily Mail

Liverpool, Manchester United and Arsenal in January will start to ask information about the stiker of Barcelona, Pedro (right), who is not able to find a place in Gerardo Martino's line-up - Marca (Spanish newspaper)

The relationship between Leo Messi and Barcelona is not so good as it might appear at present, and should the Argentinian decide to leave Paris St Germain is one the few clubs which can afford to sign the striker - Le Parisien (French daily newspaper)

Sunderland are expected to face stern competition from their Premier League rivals, if they make a move for Brighton midfielder Liam Bridcutt - Sunderland Echo

Reported Manchester United target Everton Ribeiro has insisted that talk of him moving in January is just 'speculation.' Ribeiro, 24, who claimed the award for best player in the Brazilian top flight last season, has attracted plenty of attention across Europe after his impressive performances for Cruzeiro - Globe Esporte (Brazilian TV Sports News)

In June, Juventus are ready to invest a lot of money in the transfer market. For the forward line they continue to observe the situation of Mario Mandzukic (right), who with the arrival of Robert Lewandowski will quit Bayern Munich - Tuttosport - (Italian sports newspaper)

Juventus are also eyeing Angel Di Maria, who can leave in the end of the season. The Real Madrid player, worth about 25-30 million euros and also Chelsea, Monaco and PSG are interested in him - Tuttosport (Italian sports newspaper)

Arsenal defender Bacary Sagna has revealed that he has opened talks with the club over a new deal. Sagna's contract at the Emirates Stadium expires at the end of the season, but the 30 year-old France international has indicated that he would like to extend his stay in North London - beIN SPORT (affiliate of Al Jazeera Media Networks)

Hull City are targeting Sunderland striker Steven Fletcher in a £6m transfer. The Scotland international, 26, has not scored for the Black Cats since the 27th October, and has recently been struggling with an ankle injury - Daily Mirror and

According to latest rumours coming from Spain, Real Madrid's management have reached a pre-agreement with Borussia Dortmund in order to sign German international playmaking midfielder Ilkay Gündogan (right) aged 23 from Borussia Dortmund.
The former FC Nürnberg star, currently on a deal with the Bundesliga giants until June 2015 was also being tracked by Arsenal and Barcelona, along with both Inter and AC Milan.
Gündogan is expected to join Real after the end of the ongoing season - Marca (Spanish newspaper)

Napoli are close to signing Daniel Agger. The player has reportedly already spoken with his former coach Rafa Benitez. Liverpool have reduced the request for the player: he can be signed on loan for 600,000 euros - Il Mattino (Italian daily newspaper)

Chelsea are willing to offer Senegal striker Demba Ba to Inter Milan as a makeweight in their efforts to sign the Italian club's 27 year-old Colombian midfielder Fredy Guarin - Talksport

There has been plenty of speculation about the future of Erik Lamela, just a few months after he arrived at Tottenham for a club-record fee. Reports in Italy suggest he could soon be heading back to Serie A, with Inter Milan have set their sights on the Argentine winger - Gazzetta dello Sport (Italian newspaper)

Bayern Munich have loaned central defender Jan Kirchhoff to Bundesliga rivals Schalke for the next 18 months -

Benfica trio Ezequiel Garay, Nicolas Gaitan and Nemanja Matic are all being lined up for moves to Manchester United - Manchester Evening News

Jose Iribarren, the agent of Benfica forward Nicolas Gaitan (right), says that he is unaware of any offers for his client – with Manchester United and Paris St Germain again being linked with the Argentina international - ABOLA (Portuguese newspaper)and

Fulham have been linked with a January move for Roma midfielder Michael Bradley, according to sources in Italy. The US international is said to be interesting the London club, though it is thought that Roma are only willing to let the 26-year-old go should they sign a replacement

Crystal Palace are keen to open talks regarding a new contract. The midfielder, 20, signed a five-year contract in May last year, but will apparently be in line for a pay rise with the new deal. A club source was quotes as saying that "protection" is the driving force behind the idea as Williams has attracted interest from Arsenal, Manchester City and Everton - Daily Mirror and

Bayern Munich continue to be interested in Atlético Madrid midfielder Koke. The German club would like a swap deal with the Swiss international midfielder Xherdan Shaqiri - El Mundo Deportivo (Spanish daily newspaper)

Lyon striker Bafetimbi Gomis (right), 28, is a target for new Tottenham manager Tim Sherwood for a fee of around £5m when the January transfer window opens - Metro

West Ham have made tentative enquiries into the possibility of signing striker Ghana international Asamoah Gyan on loan in the January transfer window.
Gyan left Sunderland in 2012 to join Al Ain in the United Arab Emirates -

Spurs midfielder Sandro has told Italian giants Inter Milan and Roma he does not want to quit North London for Serie A - Daily Mirror

Reports from Serbia are suggesting that Stoke City are ready to sign Vladimir Stojkovic on a short-term contract after Asmir Begovic was ruled out for six weeks with a broken finger. Stojkovic is a free agent -

Morecambe forward Kevin Ellison has extended his contract with the club and will remain at the Globe Arena for another 18 months.

Former Liverpool and QPR striker Djibril Cisse has agreed terms which will see him return to his native France in the New Year. Cisse is currently on the books of Russian outfit Kuban Krasnodar, but is closing on a switch to Bastia - L'Equipe (French daily newspaper)

Monday, December 16, 2013

The Ten Dirtiest Teams/Players in the Premier League so far this season!

Here are the the Top 10 ranked dirtiest Premier League teams by order of ill discipline so far this season, and the major culprits.

As at 16th December 2013:

Top 10 Dirtiest Teams:

1/     Stoke City  36 Yellow cards / 0 Reds cards /13.4 = Ave  Fouls Committed Per Game / League Pos 13th

2/     Aston Villa  33 Yellows / 0 Reds / 13.3 = Ave  Fouls Committed Per Game / League Pos  11th

3/     Manchester Utd  33 Yellows / 0 Reds / 11.3  = Ave  Fouls Committed Per Game / League Pos 8th

4/     Swansea City  31 Yellows / 1 Red / 9.9  = Ave  Fouls Committed Per Game / League  Pos 10th

5/     Tottenham  30 Yellows / 1 Red, 10.4  = Ave  Fouls Committed Per Game / League  Pos  7th

6/     Everton  28 Yellows / 0 Reds / 10.2  = Ave  Fouls Committed Per Game / League  Pos 5th

7/     Hull City  26 Yellows / 1 Red / 11.2  = Ave  Fouls Committed Per Game / League  Pos 12th

8/     Sunderland  20 Yellows / 4 Reds / 11.1  = Ave  Fouls Committed Per Game / League  Pos 20th

9/     West Ham  24 Yellows / 2 Reds / 11.3  = Ave  Fouls Committed Per Game / League  Pos 17th

10/   Newcastle  24 Yellows / 2 Reds / 11.8  = Ave  Fouls Committed Per Game / League  Pos 6th


Top 10 Dirtiest Players:

1/ Paulinho - Tottenham: 4 Yellow cards, 1 Red card, Fouls Committed 16

2/ Lucas Leiva - Liverpool: 5 Yellows, FC 31

3/ Branislav Ivanovic - Chelsea: 5 Yellows, FC 26

4/ Youssouf Mulumbu - West Brom: 5 Yellows, FC 25

5/ Mathieu Debuchy - Newcastle United: 5 Yellows, FC 22

6/ Wayne Rooney - Manchester United: 5 Yellows, FC 21

7= Chico Flores - Swansea City: 5 Yellows, FC 20

7= Jonathan Walters - Stoke City: 5 yellows, FC 20

8= Gabriel Agbonlahor - Aston Villa: 5 Yellows, FC 19

8= Ángel Rangel - Swansea City: 5 Yellows, FC 19

* Information gathered and compiled courtesy of the following websites: and

Monday, December 09, 2013

Current English Premier League Form Guide

Current Form Guide based on last 5 Premier League results as at Midnight Monday 9th Dec 2013

Pos  #                                 Last 5 Results       Points      
  1 (7)    Newcastle Utd         WWWLW            12
  2 (1)    Arsenal                    LWWWD            10               
  2 (3)    Chelsea                   DWWWL             10
  2 (19)  Crystal Palace          DWLWW            10
  2 (2)    Liverpool                WDLWW             10
  2 (4)    Manchester City      LWWWD             10
  7 (5)    Everton                   DDWWD              9
  7 (14)  Norwich                  WLWLW              9
  8 (11)  Aston Villa              WDDWL               8
  8 (13)  Stoke City               DWLDW               8
  8 (10)  Swansea City           DWLWD              8
11 (9)    Manchester Utd      WDDLL                5
11 (6)   Tottenham               DLLDW                5
13 (12)  Hull City                  LWLLD               4
13 (8)    Southampton          WLLLD                4
13 (20)  Sunderland             LWLDL                4
16 (18)  Fulham                   LLLLW                3
16 (17)  West Ham Utd        LLWLL                 3
17 (15)  West Brom              DDLLL                 2

17 (16)  Cardiff City             LDLDL                 2

# (Current League Position)

Sunday, December 01, 2013

Babe Of The Month - Merry Christmas/Fröhe Weihnachten/Joyeux Noël/Feliz Navidad/Buon Natale/Feliz Natal/Wesołych Świąt Bożego Narodzenia

Jennifer Lamiraqui is a 5'9" lingerie model, born on the 25th March 1980 in Paris. She made her modelling debut in Japan and became best known for her bikini shoots. Jennifer then returned to Paris to pursue her career in modelling. She currently lives in New York.

Jennifer has graced the covers of magazines such as '20 Ans' and 'Maxim.' She has represented brands such as Bare Necessities, Calida, Custo Barcelona, Gemma, Gianni Bini, Intimissimi, JC Penney, Lazaro, Pantene, Revlon Eyewear, S.Oliver, Valisère and Volvic.

Her agencies are: Elite New York, Karin Paris, Modelwerk, Riccardo Gay Model Management – Milan, Select Model Management – London and Wilhelmina Nova Models - Munich.

Friday, November 22, 2013

The Best Footballers NOT going to the 2014 World Cup!

On Wednesday night the thirty-second and final remaining place for the 2014 World Cup finals in Rio was secured by Uruguay. Earlier in the day Mexico completed the formalities of defeating New Zealand and so the teams heading to Brazil were confirmed.

However some high profile teams will be missing next summer at one of the biggest sporting events in the world including the likes of Sweden, Ukraine, Poland, Czech Republic, Serbia and Denmark. Along with these missing teams there are some tremendously talented players who will also absent from footballs greatest global stage.

GK: Petr Cech - (Czech Republic)
Chelsea’s stalwart will not be adding to his 105 caps for Czech Republic this summer as Cech misses out on his second World Cup in succession. Cech played in every minute of his nation's group stage qualifying campaign but was unable to secure their place in Brazil. The Chelsea shot-stopper conceded nine goals in ten matches as his side finished third in the group. However at 31 Cech should not give up hope of featuring in Russia 2018. The giant goalkeeper remains a vital player for club and country.

RB: Lukasz Piszczek - (Poland)
Borussia Dortmund's marauding full-back (right) misses out. The Pole loves to gallop forward and is great in doing so. It's a shame we will not see this mans bursting runs forward in Brazil. Piszczek scored twice in qualifying but could not help Poland out of England’s group.

CB: Daniel Agger - (Denmark)
Denmark's leading scorer during World Cup qualifying, Agger (extreme right) was incredibly unlucky not to make the World Cup, with his side the only country to finish second in their qualifying group and miss out on a play-off spot.

CB: Branislav Ivanovic - (Serbia)
The Chelsea defender was one of only two players to take the field in every one of Serbia's matches during qualifying but his side performed poorly, missing out on a play-off place to rivals Croatia

LB: David Alaba - (Austria)
Placed in a qualifying group alongside Germany and Sweden, the Bayern Munich full-back was unable to guide Austria to their first World Cup since 1998 - although he contributed more than most, leading the goalscoring ranks with six strikes.

DM: Nemanja Matic - (Serbia)
The Benfica midfielder only returned to the international fold in September after a lengthy absence but will be missed in Brazil. Last season's Primera Liga 'Player of the Year' has established himself as one of Europe’s most impressive combative midfielders.

LM: Gareth Bale - (Wales)
Ryan Giggs, Mark Hughes and Ian Rush never managed to play in a major international tournament and the world's most expensive footballer will not feature in Rio, but the 24 year-old has time on his side. He will be focusing on helping Wales qualify for The 2016 UEFA European Championships, which will be held in France.

RM: Arda Turan - (Turkey)
Turan is one of Atletico Madrid’s prized assets, having made his move to Spain from Galatasaray in 2011. The 26-year-old is also a very influential member of the Turkey squad, creating 29 chances for his Turkish teammates in qualifying. Turan also has 13 goals in his international career to date.

AM: Marek Hamsik - (Slovakia)
Napoli midfielder Hamsik is most definitely the name that catches the eye when scanning the Slovakia squad. Hamsik has attracted a lot of attention across Europe and is another key name that will be missing out on the World Cup in 2014, after Slovakia finished well behind Bosnia-Herzegovina and Greece in qualifying.

ST: Robert Lewandowski (Poland)
Currently leading the Bundesliga goalscoring charts with nine goals in 12 games, Lewandowski (right) could only help his nation finish fourth in England's qualifying group.

ST: Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Sweden)
The mercurial Swede, famed for his spectacular goals as well as his outrageous comments, did his bit in the play-off against Portugal, scoring twice but he could not haul a below par Swedish side to the finals.

Other noticeable absentees:

Gylfi Sigurdsson - (Iceland) Iceland's fairytale came to an end with a 2-0 play-off defeat against Croatia, which means the Tottenham midfielder will not make his debut at a World Cup finals.

Aaron Ramsey - (Wales) The Arsenal star has improved beyond recognition this season and now boast statistics to rival any midfielder in Europe. It would have been fascinating to see if Ramsey could replicate his stunning club form on the world stage in Brazil.

Christian Eriksen - (Denmark) The Denmark midfielder (right) is yet to make his mark in the Premier League this season, but he created more goalscoring chances than any other player in the Eredivisie (Dutch League) with Ajax last season.

Andriy Yarmalenko - (Ukraine) Yarmolenko can play as a winger or as a centre-forward. The 24 year-old plays his club football for Dynamo Kiev and has an excellent goal scoring record for both club and country.

Henrik Mkhitaryan - (Armenia) The Borussia Dortmund maestro has impressed in the Bundesliga this season but remains hampered at the international level by one of Europe's weaker teams. Mkhitaryan played every minute of qualifying and inspired impressive results like the 2-2 draw against Italy in Naples, but it wasn't enough.

Neven Subotić - (Serbia) Subotić has dazzled for Borussia Dortmund, but his national team didn't cut the mustard. To add to his woes it was recently confirmed he will miss the rest of the season with a serious knee injury.

Stevan Jovetic - (Montenegro)
Montenegro have risen rapidly since they gained independence in 2008 and Manchester City's £22million forward has been a key player during that time.

Matija Nastasic - (Serbia)
The third Serbian defender on this list, it is a wonder how they do not have a better defensive record, but at 20 years of age Nastasic still has plenty of time ahead of him to make it to a World Cup.

Thursday, November 07, 2013

All the latest transfer gossip across Europe!

Here is a round up of all the latest transfer gossip across Europe today!

Is your club involved?

Chelsea, Sporting Lisbon, Arsenal, Tottenham, Juventus, Inter Milan, Corinthians, Napoli, Liverpool, Hamburg, Aston Villa, West Ham, Everton, Hull, Crystal Palace, Newcastle, Manchester City, Malaga, Manchester United, Sevilla, Real Sociedad, Lyon, Stuttgart, Borussia Dortmund, Schalke 04, FC Groningen, Valencia, Arsenal, Southampton Watford, West Brom, Barnsley and Tranmere Rovers.........are all caught up in the latest transfer news/rumours across Europe, as we speak.

Sporting Lisbon have placed a £6m price-tag on winger Diego Capel (right), 25, a target for Arsenal, Liverpool and Tottenham - Daily Express, The Sun and

Inter Milan are weighing up the chance to try signing 24 year-old Brazilian international Alexandre Pato from Corinthians next January, but face opposition from both Arsenal and Tottenham for the forward -

Juventus' general director Giuseppe Marotta has responded to fresh rumours by reiterating that Fernando Llorente (right) is not for sale. Reports in Italy continue to suggest that Arsenal hold an interest in the 28 yer-old Spain international and are plotting a January raid -, and 

Liverpool are reportedly preparing a January swoop for Newcastle midfielder Yohan Cabaye. The 27-year-old is thought to be valued at around £18m by the North-East club - The Northern Echo

Napoli manager Rafael Benitez is eyeing up a raid on his former club Chelsea for Spanish defender Cesar Azpilicueta - Daily Star and

Benitez is also planning to ask another of his ex-clubs Liverpool to open talks on a deal for 26 year-old midfielder Lucas - The Sun

Despite being offered a new Hamburg SV, Venezuelan international Tomas Rincon (25), is considering his options as he can leave as a free agent next summer. It is reported Rincon (right), who can play as a defensive midfielder or right-back is a target for Aston Villa, Hull City and West Ham - Bild (German tabloid)

Manchester City manager Manuel Pellegrini, disappointed with Joe Hart's performances, is willing to sign Argentinian goalkeeper Willy Caballero (32), a former player of his, in January. The 32 year-old is contracted to Málaga CF until 2016 -

Everton, Hull and Crystal Palace have joined Newcastle in the race for Manchester City's 22 year-old midfielder Abdisalam Ibrahim - Daily Star

Manchester United are lining up Sevilla's Alberto Moreno, 21, as a replacement for left-back Patrice Evra - Daily Express

Real Sociedad's former French Under-21 international winger Antoine Griezmann (right), previously on the radar of Juventus, Tottenham, Arsenal and Olympique Lyon, is now being pursued by Manchester United, whose management are ready to make an effort to sign him in January.

Heurelho Gomes admits he is tempted to return to his native Brazil after accepting that his time at Tottenham Hotspur is up. The 32 year-old shot-stopper Gomes told Portal da Band: "I am much more open now than before as I have been in Europe for almost 10 years and I miss Brazil, my mother, brothers and friends -

Currently on a deal with Stuttgart until June 2017 and already tracked by both Borussia Dortmund and Schalke 04, Romanian international Alexandru Maxim (23) has been targeted by Liverpool as well. The 23 year-old atttacking midfielder is likely to leave on a full basis during next summer -

Manchester City are considering a bid for FC Groningen's Richairo Zivkovic, 17, who has been dubbed the "new Arjen Robben" - Daily Mirror

Valencia midfielder Ever Banega (right), 25, has confirmed he wants to move in the January transfer window, with Manchester United, Arsenal and Southampton all believed to be interested in the Argentina international - Daily Express

Hull City striker Aaron McLean reveals that he would be opening to leave the club on loan should the Tigers accept an offer from a Football League outfit -

Watford have signed West Brom's 20 year-old midfielder George Thorne on loan until the new year - Daily Star

Barnsley's Jim McNulty has extended his loan deal with Tranmere Rovers until the start of January -

Friday, November 01, 2013

Babe of the Month - Reading Minsk

Anton Zingarevich is a Russian businessman best known for being the owner of Reading Football Club, who play in the English Championship. Zingarevich's bid to take over the club was announced in January 2012, and he formally purchased the club on 29 May 2012.

In 2008, Zingarevich met his future wife, a Belarusian Victoria's Secret super-model called Yekaterina Domankova, commonly called Katsia. The couple married in late 2009.

Katsia was born in Minsk, Belarus in 1990 and she earned the title of Ford’s Supermodel of the World in 2006 which truly launched her modelling career. But that wasn't her first brush with the modeling industry. While completing homework in a café one day, she was approached by an agent from Select in London and officially began her path as a model.

But more recently, she gained notoriety by appearing in the Victoria’s Secret "What Is Sexy?" commercial alongside Erin Heatherton, Adriana Lima, Lily Aldridge, and Candice Swanepoel.

You can follow Katsia on Facebook or see more of her by visiting her website

Friday, October 25, 2013

Crystal Palace - A Football Club in Crisis? Betting News on the next Palace Manager

Have the wheels well and truly come off at Selhurst Park or are current events part of a bizarre plan to give the other 19 teams in the Premier League a head start before 'The Eagles' go on a six month unbeaten run and challenge the big boys at the top of the league!

Sadly I and almost every Palace fan knows this season was almost over before it began. From the euphoria of a play-off final win at Wembley on 27th May, a chaotic summer took its toll on the South London club as they huffed and puffed, wheeled and dealed and ultimately failed to build a solid foundation for this forthcoming season.

Palace brought in players in abundance but mostly very average players and tried to knit a rather complicated pattern and following promotion to the 'top flight' in its current guise prove the critics wrong and stay there for more than a token one season for the first time in the Club's history.

To add into the equation the 25 man squad rule (youngsters aside) some somewhat mystifying questions were left unanswered and disharmony began to set in among the players. The squad that basically got us to the Premier League was to a certain degree broken up! The likes of Ramage, Garvan and Dobbie, instrumental in our promotion were left out, Moritz just left and Zaha is now bench warming at Old Trafford. Palace hitman Glenn Murray is still a long way off first-team action following knee surgery in May and no target man of his stature was brought in to replace him. Club captain Paddy McCarthy was included in the squad although he hasn't kicked a ball in anger for around 18 months. In addition no defensive coach was appointed.

As a result what palace fans feared has become reality. Eight games in and three points from a possible 24 has left the club second from bottom of the league table. A squad that has been chopped and changed far too regularly has mustered a paltry two goals conceded 13 in a run of five straight defeats, culminating in Monday's 4-1 home defeat by Fulham.

Desire, total commitment and enthusiasm are what you always get from Ian Holloway and he did a great job in leading Palace up in his first season but was he really up to the job?

After the opening day defeat to Spurs care of a dubious penalty decision, Holloway nearly blew a gasket and was ultimately fined and given a touchline ban for his reaction. I expected Holloway to galvanise the troops following the Spurs game, and that he and the players would come out with all guns blazing as they visited Stoke in the league and then Bristol City in the League Cup.
However a rather uncharacteristic spineless and soulless couple of performances (bar the first 45mins at the Britannia Stadium) were the tip of the iceberg as Palace stumbled like a naive bunch of newborns to adapt to the league and each other. Sure the guns were blazing but heads were all over the place and Palace were firing blanks! Also the usual effervescence wasn't there from the 'gaffer.' Perhaps it was all getting too much for the Bristolian. He looked like a man who'd worked himself to the bone all summer, was mentally fatigued, stressed and fresh out of new ideas.

The outcome was somewhat inevitable although it has left opinions divided amongst the fans. Holloway and Palace parted company this week and now Crystal Palace face league leaders Arsenal tomorrow lunchtime, both managerless and rudderless.

So who are the available targets to take up the managerial role, which to be fair is by any standards one of epic proportions! Palace need a man with experience, who commands respect, who can take charge of a dressing room that already seems fractured, who can get the best out of some pretty average players, play a system that suits the squad, someone that will help shore up the defence and be creative going forward, even if it is not pretty to watch and ultimately grind out results.
Crystal Palace FC at the moment is not a place for the feint hearted, so I suggest the new gaffer is mentally strong, someone who is prepared to role up his sleeves, be proactive and who can motivate a group of players who currently come across as disillusioned and lost in the headlights and he needs to do it easy job by any means with Palace already 1/10 shots to be relegated!

According to the bookmakers the front running candidates are as follows:

Tony Pulis:
The 55 year-old Welshman took his first steps into management at Bournemouth in 1992, where he was a player/coach and then Harry Redknapp's assistant. He then took control when Redknapp left the club. He then went on to Gillingham before leaving in 1999 after a dispute with chairman Paul Scally. Pulis then had unsuccessful spells at Bristol City and Portsmouth before being appointed manager of Stoke City in 2002. He was sacked by Stoke in 2005 only to return a year later. His left Stoke in May 2013 following a falling out with chairman Peter Coates.

Management Style: Pulis has a reputation within the game for achieving solid results on small budgets and also maintains the proud record of never being relegated as a manager. Throughout his managerial career Pulis has used the long ball style of play.

Betting News: Pulis can be backed at 10/11 with Bet365 and most firms but 11/10 with Coral to be the next Palace boss.

Avram Grant:
Grant has spent the majority of his career coaching and managing in Israel, and also managing the Israeli national team for four years.
Grant moved to England in 2006 to become Technical Director of Portsmouth before being appointed Director of football at Chelsea in July 2007. Two months later, in September 2007, following the departure of José Mourinho, Grant was appointed manager of Chelsea. Despite steering the team into the Champions League final, the League Cup final and contesting the Premier League title to the last day, his contract was terminated at the end of the season. Grant returned to Portsmouth as Director of football in October 2009, and was made manager the following month. After the club's relegation to the Championship Grant resigned and, on 3rd June 2010, was appointed as manager of West Ham United, a role he held up until 15th May 2011, when he was sacked after the club was relegated to the Football League Championship. On 13th January 2012, Avram Grant was named the new manager of Partizan Belgrade. After guiding Partizan to their fifth consecutive Serbian championship, Grant resigned on 14th May 2012.

Management Style: Grant is known in Israel for giving a chance to young players in almost every club he coached. Grant is considered one of the most successful Israeli coaches. He has a reputation of a lucky winner in Israel, which caused the invention of the frequently used humorous term 'Hatachat shel Avram'. This means 'Avram's Ass,' a reference to the allegedly large amount of luck Grant enjoyed during the 2006 World Cup campaign

Betting News: William Hill go 4/1 for Grant to become the next Palace manager. Bet365 are as big as 10/1 on 'Avarm's Ass' to be next in the Palace hot seat!

Gianfranco Zola:
The 47 year-old Italian had a decorated playing career both in Italy and in England with Chelsea. He also won 35 caps for the Italian national team. He began his managerial career with the Italian U-21s before taking over at West Ham United in the Premier League in September 2008. On 11th May 2010, two days after the end of the 2009–10 season, West Ham announced the termination of Zola's contract with immediate effect. Avram Grant was announced as his successor on 3rd June 2010. He has been in charge of Watford since July 2012. In his first season, Zola led Watford to 3rd place and a play-off position, which then saw them progress to the final at Wembley. There, they lost 1-0 ironically to Crystal Palace.

Management Style: Zola likes his sides to play with a flair and has also received praise for integrating more youth products when manager of West Ham's first team.

Betting News: Zola is 9/1 with Paddy Power to take over at Selhurst Park, although Betfred go 25/1 on the same outcome.

Martin O'Neill:
The 61 year-old Northern Irishman began his managerial career in 1987 with Grantham Town. He went onto manage Wycombe Wanderers, Norwich City, Leicester City, Celtic, Aston Villa and Sunderland. He guided Leicester City to the Football League Cup final three times, in which he was twice victorious, in 1997 and 2000. In his time as Celtic manager between 2000 and 2005, he led the club to three Scottish Premier League titles and the 2003 UEFA Cup Final in Seville. O'Neill was sacked by Sunderland on 30th March 2013 after an eight-game run of five losses and three draws, leaving the team one point above the Premier League relegation zone with seven games left to play in the season. Overall Martin O'Neill has a 51% win ratio over his whole managerial career.

Management Style: O’Neill’s public image, though, is that of a nice guy and his management style has been built on inspiring his players, especially in the early days when, with his energy and enthusiasm. He worked wonders, often with decidedly ordinary individuals and teams. He is not one to doubt his own abilities.

Betting News: O'Neill is as short as 2/1 with Coral and as big as 4/1 with Boylesports to become Palace's next manager.

Chris Coleman, Neil Warnock, Alan Curbishly and Tony Popovic are also fancied candidates for the vacancy.

# Prices correct at time of going to press.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Where are they now? - England's Under-17 Euro Winning Squad of 2010

We are currently in the middle of a break in the world of top flight club football as the senior England international team try to cement a place in the World Cup Finals being held in Brazil next Summer.

Back on the 30th May 2010 England (below) were victorious in the European Under-17 Championships in Liechtenstein. This eight team tournament included some European powerhouses including the likes of France, Portugal, Czech Republic and Spain, who England defeated 2-1 in the final. That sought-after Euro Championship title win was England's first age-group title since 1993.

                         England celebrate winning the Under-17s Euro Championships in 2010

That 1993 triumph, at the European Under-18 Championship hosted in England, was earned by a team that included Paul Scholes, Gary Neville, Nicky Butt, Robbie Fowler and Sol Campbell who all went on to play for the senior team.

Three years after becoming the '2010 Young Kings of Europe,' only one of England's brilliant Under-17 team, Everton's Ross Barkley, is playing regularly in the English Premier League. So, where did it all go wrong for the golden generation?

The pressure for success at the top level of English club football is part of the problem. Managers may want to give younger players a chance but fear the consequences of failure.

There is a lot to play for in the Premier League. The clubs think about what happens when young players make mistakes. But if you instill confidence into players, they can show their abilities.

The influx of foreign players is something we have to look at but with some young players maybe things have become quite easy for them financially. They should leave the money aside and just concentrate on getting into the first team. All the rest will come.

Years ago, young players used to get more opportunities and statistics show the number of English players plying their trade for their respective clubs first team is sadly dropping. A lot are still in the academies when they should have been pushed on by now.

On the subject of ability Ray Wilkins who made his Chelsea debut at 17 and became club captain a year later said: "Technically, some of the young men in the academies are as good as it gets. But something goes slightly wrong when they get to a certain age. Is it that burning desire? Or is that situation where they feel they're not getting a chance so they don't work as hard? If you're not getting a chance, work doubly hard."

England Under-17 2010 Euro Winning squad:

GK:  Jack Butland 20 years-old, plays for Barnsley, on loan from Stoke City.

GK:  Sam Johnstone 20, plays for Yeovil Town on loan from Manchester United.

DF:  Bruno Pilatos 20, former Middlesborough player, now plays for Darlington in the Evo-Stik First Division North.

DF:  Luke Garbutt 20, plays for Colchester United, on loan from Everton.

DF:  Nathaniel Chalobah 18, plays for Nottingham Forest on loan from Chelsea.

DF:  Andre Wisdom 20, eighteen league and cup appearances for Liverpool's first team since Sept 2012.

DF:  Ben Gibson 20, made his first Middlesborough start on 6th Aug 2013. Previous loan spells at Plymouth, York and Tranmere.

DF:  Tom Thorpe 20, plys his trade in the Manchester United reserve team.

MF:  Conor Coady 20, plays for Sheffield United, on loan from Liverpool.

MF:  William Keane 20, One first-team appearance for Manchester Utd since 31st Dec 2011.

MF:  Joshua McEachran 20, plays for Watford, on loan from Chelsea.

MF:  Ross Barkley 19, Establishing himself as a first-team regular at Everton and made his England senior debut on 6th Sept 2013.

MF:  George Thorne 20, signed professional contract with West Brom in Jan 2010. Currently recovering from a serious knee injury following loan spells at Peterborough and Portsmouth.

MF:  Luke Williams 20, made his Middlesborough debut at just 16 back in Dec 2009. Has made a total of 22 starts for the North-East club.

FW:  Benik Afobe 20, signed a pro contract with Arsenal in Feb 2010. Yet to make a first team appearance for the Gunners. Suffered a serious knee injury last March following loan spells at Huddersfield, Reading, Bolton and Millwall.

FW:  Connor Wickham 20, After impressing at Ipswich Wickham at just 18 made a big money move to Sunderland in June 2011. Joined Sheff Wed on loan in Feb 2013 but now back with 'The Black Cats.'

FW:  Robert Hall 19, plays for Bolton Wanderers. Previous loan spells at Oxford Utd, MK Dons, Birmingham and Bolton, before finally signing for Bolton on a permanent basis on 1st July 2013.

FW:  Saido Berahino 20, Born in Burundi (East Africa) Berahino plays for West Brom. Previous loan spells at Northampton, Brentford and Peterborough.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Ten Sizzling Football Sex Scandals!

1/ Oliver Kahn

Oliver Kahn is considered as one of the best German goalkeepers of all-time, but his actions off the field did not always go down well with the public.

He received plenty of negative publicity when in 2003 he ditched his pregnant wife Simone to be with night club hostess Verena Kerth, who was referred to as the 'Pierced Party Chicken' by some tabloids.

Bayern Munich commercial manager Uli Hoeness said at the time that the incident made him "vomit," and Kahn got plenty of criticism for his actions.

Kahn and Kerth's relationship lasted intermittently for five years.

2/ Malcolm Allison

The late Malcolm Allison's larger than life image was a mixed blessing.
In 1976, when Malcom Allison was managing Crystal Palace he took the Third Division side to the FA Cup semi-finals and despite his flamboyant nature Allison's managerial career was taking off, but he trashed it!

Allison's outspoken nature and womanising were of great interest to the tabloids and it was reputed that Allison had relationships with Christine Keeler of the Profumo scandal, singer Dorothy Squires and two Miss UK's.

In 1976, Allison received a Football Association disrepute charge after a News of the World photograph appeared showing him in the Crystal Palace players' bath with porn star Fiona Richmond whom he had invited to a training session. Ruining his career, Allison can take heart in knowing Richmond's biography "Tell Tale Tits" was more than likely dedicated to him!

3/ Tommy Docherty

After winning the FA Cup with Manchester United in 1977, then manager Tommy Docherty had the football world at his feet as he made plans to challenge Liverpool for domestic glory - until he was sacked for having an affair with the physio's wife Mary Brown, a woman 18 years younger than himself. And how many acres of newsprint would be expended on the story today had a contemporary Old Trafford boss left his wife and four children for the physio's missus?

Docherty told the press he was being punished for falling in love, but the United board were having none of it, sacking him for being in breach of his contract.

The Doc himself started ultimately unsuccessful legal proceedings against the board for defamation and wrongful dismissal, announcing his decision while sporting a black eye given to him by cuckolded magic-sponge man Laurie Brown.

The affair also resulted in the end of his marriage to Agnes, who had been his wife since December 1949. Tommy later married Mary Brown and they are still together after more than 30 years.

United fans mourned their loss with this creative reworking of Knees Up Mother Brown:
"Who's up Mary Brown? Who's up Mary Brown? Tommy, Tommy Docherty."

4/ Dwight Yorke and Mark Bosnich   

No player has made a more impressive entrance to Manchester United than Dwight Yorke.

Having arrived from Aston Villa for £12.6million in August 1998, he managed to make both the back and front pages of a Sunday tabloid a month later when it printed stills from a video found in the player's rubbish, which showed he and former Villa colleague Mark Bosnich involved in an orgy with four women and a transvestite, the keeper being whipped by one leather-clad blonde while Yorke had sex with her friend.

Former Villa ace Yorke and Australian keeper Bosnich secretly filmed themselves with the four women, and this was capped off with the fact that, during the orgy, Bosnich was curiously seen to be wearing a skirt.

Yorke is then said to have thrown the sordid video tape in the bin where a tabloid reader found it and exposed the story to the world.

It ushered in a golden age of Yorke shagging stories, of which his former landlady and friend Sheila Dudley memorably said: "If some girl comes to his house with her knickers in her handbag, it's up to him, isn't it?"

Best among them was the conquest Yorke had convinced that he was a local postman named Brian. She said of their trip to a nightclub: "People were coming past and saying 'hello' to him and he said it was because he delivered their letters. I believed him. He seemed a lovely bloke."

Hailed by the Old Trafford crowd with the song, "Dwight Yorke, wherever you may be, You are the king of pornography," the striker harumphed that the chant "set a bad example to kids," shortly before Sir Alex Ferguson sold him to Blackburn Rovers.

5/ Garrincha

Garrincha, also known as the 'little bird' became infamous for his off-field conquests.

After lighting up the 1958 World Cup with Brazil, Garrincha returned to Sweden on tour where he got a local girl pregnant. On his return home he was greeted by angry supporters. He then ran over his father and was found drunk at the wheel with no recollection of the events.

Things didn't stop there as seven years later Garrincha walked out on his wife
and eight daughters for a samba singer. The late Brazilian is alleged to have lost his virginity when he was 12 with wait for it........a goat and fathered at least 14 children in his bed hopping career.

6/ Ashley Young

In 2007 Ashley Young brought a whole new meaning to a pre-match routine, showing a lot more skin than required when he was caught exposing himself on the internet.

The scandal was revealed in British tabloid The News of the World and told how the then Aston Villa star and 'serial diver' had stripped and performed a sex act for a girl he had just met on the internet hours before he made his England international debut.

7/ Ronaldo

In 2008 Brazilian World Cup winner Ronaldo caused a stir while recovering from injury in Brazil when it was revealed he had picked up three prostitutes after dropping his fiancee at home.

But to the three times World Player of the Year's surprised he discovered the women he was about to do the dirty with were actually men.

Ronaldo, who was reported to be "very excited and wanted to go out and have fun," is said to have offered money to buy the prostitutes' silence, but one of the transvestites demanded more money before exposing the whole lurid tale to the media.

8/ Wayne Rooney

Before he became a Manchester United star, Wayne Rooney was finding his way in the world playing for Everton and having sex with aging prostitutes.

In 2004 Rooney, who was at the time dating his future wife, 16-year-old Coleen, was caught out visiting a brothel in the backstreets of Liverpool and then became known as the footballer who liked to visit grannys, after his conquest with a prostitute dubbed by her fellow compatriots the 'Auld Slapper' was revealed.

Rooney is alleged to have paid £45 per visit and this included one time when he slept with a 52 year-old granny and mother of seven.

Wayne even signed an autograph for one of the strippers Charlotte Glover, a prostitute who spoke up after the story unfolded revealing that Rooney paid her £140 for sex in a bathroom in a shabby flat and left her a signed note which read: "To Charlotte, I sh*gged u on 28 Dec. Loads of Love. Wayne Rooney."

9/ Franck Ribery, Karim Benzema and Sidney Govou

A sex scandal back in 2010 involving French footballers Franck Ribery, Karim Benzema and Sidney Govou resulted in them being questioned by the police following allegations they had been using the services of an under-aged prostitute. Ribery winger even admitted of having sex with a 17-year-old prostitute called Zahia, although he said he had thought the girl was over 18.

Sidney Govou and Karim Benzema were also linked to the scandal, although the pair denied any wrongdoing. The scandal was only a tip of the iceberg as far as the France national team are concerned, with all their dirty laundry revealed at the World Cup 2010.

10/ John Terry

Football fans were also in for a shock in 2010 as John Terry, one of England and Chelsea's most influential players, was caught cheating on his wife with Vanessa Perroncel, an underwear model and ex-partner of former Stamford Bridge teammate Wayne Bridge - rumours also suggested he had got her pregnant and paid for her abortion.

Although his wife may have decided to give him "one more chance" the revelations did cost Terry the chance to lead England at the 2010 World Cup. The 29-year-old also lost the respect of many fans as they declared they were with "Team Bridge".

Terry also got his comeuppance live on TV when Bridge refused to shake his hand, or even acknowledge him, when Chelsea met Manchester City in a Premier League clash a few weeks later.

Monday, September 09, 2013

How the 'Cookie' Crumbles!

Chris Coleman - Plenty of food for thought!
Ranting on about the state of international football in Britain and trying to put together a constructive and valid argument on why all our home nations are so poor and ineffective when the players pull on their national shirts is a futile exercise.

As football fans we are all aware of the club versus country argument, the failure of players to deliver on the pitch, should they actually grace us with their presence in the first place, along with the worrying lack of passion and desire to proudly wear the national shirt by many of these men that have been blessed with a gift for a sport that rewards them handsomely in more ways than one is baffling!

Our respective nations have failed to perform over many years now and most of us have our own views and thoughts as to why we are so limp in our attempts just to qualify for major tournaments let alone win anything. It doesn't look like things are going to change dramatically in the next few years and I would be surprised if I see any nation from the British Isles come close to winning a major trophy in my lifetime.

The reason I say that is because the events of last week simply re-iterate my disillusionment with our game at international level - farcical!

'Cookie' in his Palace playing days.
Mr Chris 'Cookie' Coleman (right) was one of my favourite players when he plyed his trade at Selhurst Park between 1991 and 1995 for my beloved Crystal Palace. Manager of the Welsh national team since January 2012 'Cookie' took his seat in the dugout in Macedonia on Friday night as his Wales team took on Macedonia in a World Cup qualifying fixture.

The 2-1 defeat in Skopje was not a major surprise, it was typical old-school Wales as they ended up losing a game they should have won, but the humiliating 1-0 defeat inflicted on the Wales under-21 side by their counterparts from San Marino, (that nation’s first competitive victory at any level since their under-17 side beat Andorra in 2002) simply compounded a farcical week. At the heart of all that has been the line peddled by optimists about the supposed existence of a conveyor belt of young talent   that would, in time, emerge to make Wales a different proposition.

'Cookie' joined the squad late in Macedonia, missing the final training session because he had lost his passport and missed the flight on Thursday. It was an oversight unfortunate enough on its own without the way it was compounded by Coleman’s claims that his subsequent late arrival didn't matter, because when Wales train abroad they do "next to nothing".

‘Cookie’ knows a lot of people are going to be looking at these turn of events and thinking that’s amateurish.

Then of greater consequence were his tactics and the clutch of what appeared to be mystifying substitutions the manager made as the game slipped away from Wales.

Why bring on defensive midfielder Andrew Crofts when they had Macedonia on the rack? Why bring on full-back Adam Matthews for an attacking midfielder? Why introduce striker Sam Vokes with just five minutes left?

Coleman also left the world’s most expensive player, Gareth Bale, on the bench rather than introduce him even for five minutes. There’s no suggestion at all of anything underhand on either Coleman’s part or Bale’s.

Coleman says he spoke to the player on the day of the game and he was not ready. Fine!

Coleman argued vehemently that Bale was only put among the replacements to provide psychological ammunition. But in deciding to put him on the bench, while having no intention of using him, Coleman opened himself up to inevitable criticism if the result went against Wales, which it subsequently did. I understand the psychological game he was playing but the ‘fear factor’ was only going to work if he’d brought him on. By not doing so, it was neither here or there.

I’d like to think Bale was genuinely injured on Friday night and could not play a part in Macedonia, but there’s a lot of politics involved in players – especially ones as expensive as Gareth – in playing for their countries.

Coleman has now presided over 11 competitive international matches. He’s won three, drawn one and lost seven.

Worryingly, in the last seven competitive encounters his team have scored seven times, but only twice from open play – Bale’s wonder-strike against Scotland at Cardiff City Stadium and Hal Robson-Kanu’s header in the return match at Hampden Park.

The defeat mathematically ended Wales' remote chance of overhauling Group A's top two Belgium and Croatia but ahead of the Macedonia game, the manager spoke about the importance of chasing third spot in the group and thus securing an improved seeding for the Euro 2016 qualifiers.

But if Wales lose to Serbia on Tuesday that’s another target which will be all but gone. You have to think the quest then will simply be to avoid finishing rock bottom of Group A. If they do then there is a good chance another home nation, Scotland could fill that void.

I hope that does not happen, but if it does, Coleman, just like any of his peers in the same position, would have to think long and hard about his future.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Crystal Palace Football Club Squad List - 2013/14


#1.Julian Speroni - Age 34 - Date Signed: 12 Jul, 2004.
#25.Neil Alexander - Age 35 - Date Signed 15 Aug, 2013.
#34.Lewis Price - Age 29 - Date Signed: 29 Jul, 2010.


#2.Joel Ward - Age 23 - Date Signed: 30 May, 2012.
#3.Jack Hunt - Age 22 - Date Signed: 02 Sep, 2013.
#4.Jonathan Parr - Age 24 - Date Signed: 16 Jul, 2011.
#5.Patrick McCarthy - Age 30 - Date Signed: 12 Jun, 2008.
#19.Danny Gabbidon - Age 34 - Date Signed 16 Sep, 2012.
#21.Dean Moxey - Age 27 - Date Signed: 31 Jan, 2011.
#23.Florian Marange - Age 27 - Date Signed: 16 Aug, 2013. (Released by mutual consent)
#25.Darcy Blake - Age 24 - Date Signed: 24 Aug, 2012. (Not in final 25 man squad)
#26.Mathew Parsons - Age 21 - Date Signed: 01 Jul, 2010. (Not in final 25 man squad)
#27.Damien Delaney - Age 32 - Date Signed: 31 Aug, 2012.
#28.Peter Ramage - Age 29 - Date Signed: 8 Aug 2012. (Season long loan deal to Barnsley)
#28.Adrian Mariappa - Age 26 - Date Signed: 03 Sept, 2013.
#36.Alex Wynter - Age 19 - Date Signed: 01 Jan, 2010. (Not in final 25 man squad)


#6.José Campaña - Age 20 - Date Signed: 13 Jul, 2013.
#7.Yannick Bolasie - Age 24 - Date Signed: 24 Aug, 2012.
#8.Kagisho Dikachoi - Age 28 - Date Signed: 04 Jul, 2011.
#10.Owen Garvan - Age 25 - Date Signed: 04 Aug, 2010. (Not in final 25 man squad)
#12.Stuart O'Keefe - Age 22 - Date Signed: 18 Aug, 2010.
#13.Jason Puncheon - Age 27 - Date Signed 21 Aug, 2013. (Signed on a 1 year loan deal from Southampton)
#14.Jerome Thomas - Age 30 - Date Signed: 01 Jul, 2013.
#15.Mile Jedinak - Age 29 - Date Signed: 11 Jul, 2011.
#20.Jonathan Williams - Age 19 - Date Signed: 01 Jul, 2011.
#22.Jimmy Kébé - Age 29 - Date Signed: 31 Aug, 3013.
#24.Elliott Grandin - Age 25 - Date Signed: 02 Aug, 2013.
#37.Hiram Boateng - Age 17 - Date Signed: 01 Jul, 2012. (Not in final 25 man squad)
#44.Adlène Guedioura - Age 27 - Date Signed: 04 Sep, 2013.
#18.Barry Bannan - Age 23 - Date Signed: 02 Sep, 2013).


#9. Kevin Phillips - Age 40 - Date Signed: 20 Jul, 2013.
#11.Stephen Dobbie - Age 30 - Date Signed: 01 Jul, 2013. (On loan to Blackpool until 31 Dec 2013)
#16.Dwight Gayle - Age 23 - Date Signed: 03 Jul, 2013.
#17.Glenn Murray - Age 29 - Date Signed: 31 May, 2011. (Not in final 25 man squad)
#18.Aaron Wilbraham - Age 33 - Date Signed: 04 Jul, 2012. (Not in final 25 man squad)
#29.Marouane Chamakah - Age 29 - Date Signed: 12 Aug, 2013 (Signed on a 1 year deal from Arsenal).
#30.Cameron Jerome - Age 27 - Date Signed: 03 Sep, 2013. (Signed on a season long loan from Stoke City).
#32.Kwesi Appiah - Age 23 - Date Signed 31 Jan, 2012. (On loan to Cambridge United)
#33.Ibra Sekajja - Age 20 - Date Signed: 01 Jul, 2010. (Not in final 25 man squad)
#35.Kyle De Silva - Age 19 - Date Signed: 01 Jan, 2012. (Not in final 25 man squad)

*This page will be updated accordingly in the event of any new signings.

Management Team:

Manager: Ian Holloway
Assistant Manager: Keith Millen
Strength and Conditioning Coach: Scott Guyett
Goalkeeping Coach: George Wood
Club Doctor: Bill Jasper
Head Physiotherapist: Alex Manos
Assistant Physiotherapist: John Stannard
Soft Tissue Therapist: Chris Harvey
Kit Manager: Brian Rogers

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

How To Woo Athletic Sporty Women!

Athletic sportswomen are generally hot, but they are often strong and fast, and some guys find this intimidating. Not you're a real man! You like a woman that can open a jar of pickles using just one hand. But how do you win over a woman who possibly views you as weedy or emaciated, and who grew up with several older brothers that she beat up on a regular basis?

Here's the secret guys: It's less about your muscles and more about your character.

Here's a step-by-step guide to winning over that athletic beauty of your dreams!

Step 1: The first date: 

She's very competitive. Lose to her in table football and make it appear as if you lost on purpose, even though you really would have lost anyway.

Step 2: Compliment her beauty: 

Tell her she is "statuesque." Never say she is "big," or or "similar to the Hulk." Tell her she's "toned and sexy," like Jelena Abbou or Cori Nadine, and that she should star in her own exercise video series, which you will own of course and recommend to all your pals.

Step 3: Name the major muscles as you caress her rock-hard body:

Impress her with your anatomical knowledge: "And now I will squeeze the glutes, which are very toned and sexy, and make my way to the pectoral muscles, which are likewise toned and sexy."

Step 4: Massage her feet:

Active women love a good foot massage, and they have beautiful feet from wearing sneakers all the time. Squeeze the arches and pay special attention to her toes. Preen each toe like it's a celebutante. Tug it, separate it from the others and remove the sock lint, if necessary.

Step 5: Choose one of her legs: 

Cuddle into it, the way any lonely man cuddles a body pillow. Just get right in there. Gently lick a dollop of whipped cream off her field hockey bruise.

Step 7: If she has a ruptured ACL:

You need to take a sledgehammer to your own knee, just like how you need to wear a balloon under your shirt during pregnancy.

Step 6: Have a protein shake ready right after sex: 

Fill that glycogen window.
You could even have the blender going while you make the beast with two backs. Just get that post-coital wheat germ shake inside both of your bodies as soon as possible.

Step 8: Tell her that she must have been carved from the hugest diamond at Tiffany's: 

Or just compare her calves to diamonds, then sprinkle actual diamonds on top of them. Propose marriage. Remember, athletic women are not trophy wives......they win trophies!

#Good luck lads!

*You may also be interested to read an an article I wrote back in October 2010 entitled:

Thursday, August 01, 2013