Thursday, December 15, 2011

What not to buy a woman for Christmas!

It’s that time of year again, when thoughts turn to Christmas and that annual dilemma of what to buy friends and family.

Buying Christmas presents for your partner however, can prove even more of a minefield, especially if you are the kind of man that finds gift buying an ordeal.

Be wary of the kind of Christmas present you choose for your beloved, as giving an inappropriate present could spell the end of a beautiful relationship!

Although giving gift certificates and money may be a good gift idea in some cases, it is also advisable to give some sort of other small item attached with it. You want your wife to feel that you put some thought into her gift. Don't give gift certificates to places like bowling alleys or a day driving a souped up car around a racing track (unless she is a car fanatic). The gift is supposed to be for her — not you!

Unless you know that your gift is going to be well received avoid buying anything that implies a flaw. This could include a self-help book, bathroom scales, a set of cookbooks, a style guide, exercise equipment or a Wii fit!

Chore-related or practical gifts may seem just the thing, but avoid gifts like vacuum cleaners, blenders, irons, brooms, toasters and saucepans etc, unless such an item has been specifically requested. Christmas is for the buying of personal gifts — ones that are thoughtful, meaningful, possibly intimate, sometimes fun and in some cases indulgent.

Do not give your partner any item that you charge to her credit card. She wants you to pay for her gift. Not only that, you don't want her to know that you got that beautiful gift at a bargain basement price. Make her believe that you were willing to pay top dollar and that no amount is too much for you to spend on her.

Let's face it – shopping for girls is not easy. There are tons of resources out there telling you what to buy and where to buy it. I thought I'd take a different approach and point out some gifts I'd suggest you steer well clear of this Christmas. Here’s what NOT to buy your wife or girlfriend for Christmas this year.........

1/ P-Mate.

What weirder way to let her know you care than to give her the ability to pee standing up. Yes, yes, yes, it's hilarious that this product exists, but it's for hiking, camping or for women with hip problems. So as funny as it may be when you place the order on a drunken night of online shopping, it probably won't be as much fun explaining this one on a sober Christmas morning.

2/ Facial Hair Remover.

These things, hilarious as they may be, are all the rage right now among women. They apparently do work for all sorts of things, but women don’t generally react well to guys suggesting they use them. You may think you’re being clever in getting her a useful tool to use in her never ending quest for beauty, but she’ll think you’re telling her she has a moustache and a unibrow.

3/ Gel inserts for her bra. equates to receiving a gift certificate from your partner for a penis enlargement. How festive! If 'she' wants a boob job then pay for her to have one, but not in some dodgy back-street underground surgery, by a half-baked surgeon, in a country better known for brewing lager than performing breast augmentation.

4/ Acne or Wrinkle Creams.

We see women spend ridiculous amounts of money and time on facial creams, exfoliants, complexion repair treatments, 'age-defying' lotions and all the other things they gobble up on a regular basis. Some of us might get the bright idea to get a girl some of this stuff for Christmas, thinking it’s normal and apparently appreciated. We’d be wrong. Getting a girl anything but scented lotions is like saying she needs some work done, and she’s not likely to appreciate that very much.

5/ Playboy Playmate of the Month Necklace.

She likes jewellery and she likes things that are personal, like her birthstone and you of course love Playmates, so a 'Playmate of the Month Necklace' with her birthday month is the perfect gift right? Okay, let’s start over. Do you want her to find your stash of magazines and then bin them? No? Okay, then don’t buy this for her.

6/ Promise Rings.

Yes it’s pretty and sweet and she'll totally love it, but if you’re not planning to give her an engagement ring by Valentine’s day or at least by next Christmas you will have one bitter, disappointed woman on your hands. Women will tell you that Promise Rings are just a promise to love her forever, but the truth is you’re basically saying: "I promise to get engaged soon, I’m just saving up for the the £5000 version, so for now, enjoy this."
If you want to do the jewellery thing, just stick to an elegant necklace and/or some earrings, but definitely do not give your partner pieces of jewellery that belonged to ex-wives or past girlfriends.

7/ Ceiling Mirror.

A bedroom ceiling mirror may seem like an awesome idea at first, but do you really want her to get a good view of your hairy back or black moles? Plus don’t actively encourage her to call you a pervert. The bonus? She might actually love this if she’s into decorating, but if you’re banking on it going up over the bed, you might be disappointed when you come home and see it above the dresser.

8/ Nono Razor.

Whether or not she enjoys personal grooming, she probably doesn’t want to hear from you that she should shave her 'nono'. We understand that this was a thoughtful gift because of its Thermacon technology that gently transmits heat to the hair and can be used frequently to eliminate rashes and ingrowing hairs. It's just.......well, it’s just wrong to buy one of those things for your partner.

9/ Bikini Wax Kit.

This says "I don’t like the way your whole crotch looks, and I’d like you to change that for me." Not exactly the romantic message you want to send to a girl at Christmas, is it? A gift certificate to an expensive, full service salon/spa that also offers bikini wax services is a better bet. You never know, while she’s there, she may decide on her own to go ahead and trim the grounds.

10/ Nose Hair Trimmer.

As odd as this sounds, it’s happened more times than should ever be counted. Usually as part of a bigger package, lazy guys make the mistake of not accounting for the unisex nature of travel kits. It’s bad enough that you’re handing your girlfriend a totally insincere, last minute 'gift,' but having a nose hair trimmer as part of the deal is like a slap to the face — something you should probably expect if you try this one.

11/ Tickle His Pickle.

How-To sex books are probably not very kosher as far as Chanukah gifts go. Seriously save this for a less spiritual holiday, even Valentine’s Day is a little risky.......besides it’ll probably backfire when she lets you know who REALLY needs tips. Ouch!

12/ A Divorce.

Yes, I have heard of this happening and I think it is both a cruel and psychopathic way to behave at Christmas. If you are going to end the marriage, don't ruin Christmas and scar her for the rest of her life by handing her a set of divorce papers. Get it over with at least a month before or after Christmas. At least then she can buy her own Christmas present.

The clock is ticking and Christmas will be here before you know it. Now that you know a few of the things you should not purchase, how do you know what would be a great gift?

Be a good understudy to your partner. Listen carefully to what she says. Pay attention to the things she enjoys and the way she spends her time. Does she enjoy weekend breaks, being pampered, reading a good book, going to the movies, eating out or crazy outdoor activities?

You might even try asking her to give you a list of things she would like for Christmas. (Note: wives/girlfriends/partners, if your other half asks you to make a list of things you would like for Christmas, please do it. Don’t respond with, "If you don’t know what to buy me for Christmas, I am certainly not going to tell you.")

Men, with a little investigative work you can uncover some helpful hints that will guide you in your gift buying.

If all else fails and you are still at a loss it isn’t against the rules to ask her to accompany you on a shopping spree, to find the perfect gift.

Good luck guys!

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